Southern Disposition

Errant Thought Roundup 55 - Guest Post!

2012-02-23T14:10:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I received a sweet email and a beautiful ETR from a reader named Andi. Pretty thoughts like this need to be shared...enjoy!

Dear Kendra,

I recently started following your blog after seeing one of your posts on Pinterest. I absolutely enjoy reading your ErrantThought Roundups and wanted to share with you my ETR I wrote for my daughter, Alesandra (Ali). Her 3rd grade class also does Star Student of the Week and one of the things parents are asked to do is write a letter about their child. I used your poem to help consolidate some of the randomness. If you like it, feel free to use it! Thank you for sharing your life, thoughts and faith!

Always,

Andi

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,
I like, I wish, for goodness sake...
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love that Ali doesn’t think she is too old to kiss me goodbye in front of her friends (this is special to me)
I love seeing that Ali shares my passion for reading. Seeing her curled up, lost in a book that she has read for the 100^thtime makes my soul sing.
I hate being away from Ali during the school day. When she was homeschooled, I loved seeing the light bulb go off each time she grasped a new concept. Now, even if she thinks nothing exciting happens, I long to hear about her day at school.

I hate that mistakes are frowned upon. We all make them. It is what we take from them. We are not perfect. I need to be reminded of that more than I wish to admit. I hope that Ali learns that mistakes are things to learn from and grow on. They help us become a wiser, more forgiving people.

I like seeing the relationship between Ali and her brother grow. Hearing them giggle and conspire with each other. I hope she is always able to enjoy that special friendship, remembering that Nico was her first best friend.

I wish Ali all the confidence I lacked growing up. I wish I could heal her hurts and kiss away the pain. I wish her the strength to stand up for what she believes in, to be a defender of all people.

For goodness sake, be a kid! Don’t grow up too fast! Learn not to take yourself too seriously!

I hope that Ali realizes that life isn’t about “ME.” If we focused more on “WE,” the world would be so much better!

I hope I never take my relationship with Ali for granted. She is so precious to me and has given my life purpose and meaning!

I pray daily for Ali to grow into a Godly woman, that she will be grounded in her faith and continue to make good choices

I pray that even when I feel like I am the worst mother in the world, Ali will still think that I am awesome.

I will support Ali’s decision to be a vegetarian. And if she wants chicken (or any meat for that matter), I will fix it for her and not say a word.

I won’t force Ali into a cookie cutter mold. She is a unique creation and there is a special plan for her.

And for today, and everyday, I will make sure that I not only tell Ali how much I love her but show her as well!

Errant Thought Roundup 54 - Guest Post!

2012-02-16T19:25:00.001-05:00

My friend Katy has whipped up tonight's fabulous ETR. There are people in the world that you are grateful to have the opportunity to know...my precious friend Katy B is one of those people in my world. She is lovely inside and out - enjoy tonight's roundup!

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,
I like, I wish, for goodness sake...
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love... the newly discovered peaceful pace of mind when I knit. "Relaxing" on the computer means a continued bombardment of stimulation, thoughts and ideas. Counting stitches means you do nothing more than count. Occasionally my brain will sprint away, after an errant thought -- do you see what I did there? -- but it always returns to the soft yarn, and the mezmerising "1.... 2.... 3." Then the inevitable curse as I realize I've miscounted or misknit.

I love... my son, my husband, the bubble we have created for ourselves. It's taken five years of living in rural Oregon for me to catch a glimpse of God's purpose for us here, and it is coming tantalisingly closer. I am secure in the knowledge that our feet are on the right path, and am humbled by the ripple effect of our actions. God is love; God is good.

I hate ... the concept of hate. I wish it didn't exist. But I feel it myself, as a secret guilty pleasure. So....I hate... people who meddle just for the sake of meddling. I have encountered three truly Machiavellian snakes in the grass in my life, and while I was fortunate enough to escape the first two -- although the damage scarred deep -- I am currently dodging the third. Seriously people -- do you have nothing better to do in life? Are you the existence of evil? If only I had the energy that you so freely spend on negativity and manipulation!

I hate... that I am procrastinator with a sense of entitlement. If this character flaw were a limb, I would chop it off in a heartbeat. What is it that makes me think "I won't do that now, because it's not important enough to me? Because I'm better than that?" I despise arrogance in other people, so how do I tolerate an innate feeling of superiority within myself? This sentiment has had a good go at torpedoing my marriage and my dream job on several occasions. And still it bubbles up if I don't ask daily for help against it.

I like... that Norah kitty likes to sleep cuddled up next to me, and has such a lack of kitty etiquette that this often means she flops onto my face, upside down, in the wee small hours. None of this sleeping out of arm's reach at the foot of the bed! The same lack of kitty etiquette means that she is happiest when her belly is curled up around my hand, as if it were a human hot water bottle. Nibbles and claws only come out when you try to pull your hand away!

I wish ... with all my heart that Theron will grow up happy and relieved of fear. It is so hard to watch him paralyzed with anxiety and turning away from or alienating other children who only want to reach him.

For goodness sake.... How can anyone be expected to do any work in the middle of a Nerf war, and people comparing our new printer to the most annoying sound ever? Loudly, on repeat, ad nauseum? Time to retreat into my headphones....

I hope... that opening our family home to include my mother in law is an enriching positive experience. She raised an amazing human being for a son, and I'm looking forward to her positive influence raising her grandson.

I hope... that this ETR doesn't fall short of Kendra's expectations. I hold her in a great deal of esteem and procrastinated out of ETR #53 because I didn't know if I could write one that was good enough. But here I am! Writing!

I pray... the Lord's prayer. Isn't it amazing that one prayer can encapsulate really everything that needs to be said? I never knew that when reciting it without thought at seven years old. But now I savour every word.

I pray... for long-hoped for dreams to be bestowed upon those that are wishing so hard for them to come true.

I will... probably need another cup of tea to make it through to lunchtime. If only I had some Hob-Nobs -- quite possibly the most delicious biscuit ever.

I won't... Let the quest for Hob-Nobs tempt me away from my very important to do list. Damn you amazon.com and your distractability, damn you!

And for today... God grant me serenity, courage, wisdom, and sobriety, one day at a time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you, sweet Katy - and I find it hysterical that you "didn't know if you could write one that was good enough" since you're my official go-to proof reader. Visitors -- Katy is a real live book editor in her spare time. I'm nervous even typing these sentences...I'm sure my grammar is bad...or something.

Happy Thursday!

Infertility - Part II

2012-02-13T20:36:00.001-05:00

I haven't updated you in a while, and I definitely need to journal this because otherwise, in 10 years (when I have a house full of children?), I won't believe I was ever here, and I might forget to appreciate everything I have.

The last you heard (did you hear?), I was on try #22. I am not sure if I'm technically on try #25 or #26 right now. I'll explain in a sec. To catch you up:

#1-21 - Failed. Various reasons. See previous post.

#22 - November - Failed - overstimulated ovaries. I had more mature follicles than the doctor was comfortable moving forward with.

#23 - December - Failed - cysts. I had four cysts at the start of my cycle, so we couldn't move forward with treatment. We tried on our own...you can see how that worked out.

#24 - January - Failed - I called the doctor on a Friday, left a message. Saturday twice, left messages, and Sunday once and left a message. His pager was broken, so it caused me to miss my day 3 appointment. As anyone in the fertility business can tell ya, if you miss your day 3 appointment, the cycle is pretty much void - at least with my current level of treatment. We tried on our own. Again...you can see how that worked out.

#25 - February - Failed - I really thought this was the month. I started a lower dose of my injections on day 2. Today, I went back to the doctor to check on my hormone levels and to see how the follicles were progressing. There were 6 that were growing -- he was hoping to decrease the dosage again and get us down to about 4 good ones - perfect! I got a phone call from him this afternoon, and I could tell something was wrong. My progesterone levels are too high this month. That means I have a cyst again - at least one. The cycle will be aborted...no more medications, and certainly no IUI.

You know that feeling when you're trying to hold back your emotion and it becomes so intense that your throat burns? I actually didn't let even one tear well up to the point of falling. My eyes were wet, but no tears fell - I took some deep breaths. I stared straight ahead. I avoided facebook. I did a good job.

...so that brings us to try #26 which I guess I'm technically on right now (even though it won't really start until after my next cycle starts sometime in March). Next month he's going to try something a little different. I'm not looking forward to the changes -- they mean more medication.

So that's it. Nothing too exciting. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing that many women before me haven't also deeply understood.

And the following little journaling exercise is for my 40 year old self. Feel free to eavesdrop if you feel so inclined.

Hear this: I appreciate Sadie (my easy baby) more now than I could have imagined 5 years ago. I appreciated her then - I loved her with every ounce of my soul, and figured out fast that there isn't a word big enough to describe the way I felt about her. "Love" just didn't do it justice. I remember wishing there was a word that meant, "You mean more to me than my next breath."

I still feel that way.

But now...now. The gratitude I feel for her is indescribable. What a gift my child is...there are no words. God set our 6 sextillion ton world world in motion on a perfect 23 degree tilt with seasons and oceans and mountains and orbit and a sun and a moon and beauty and wholeness and wonder - it's in a galaxy more vast than we can comprehend which is inside of a universe that baffles even the most brilliant minds on the planet (to speak nothing of you and me). He did all of that...and he gave me Sadie. I love her further than the expanse of the universe. That's as close as I can come to describing it...and it's still not quite right. God has taught me a gratitude for her in the last 2 years that has shown me the meaning of true, soul-wrecking, eternal, boundless, bleed-into-you kind of love.

If nothing else comes of this journey, I have learned one solid lesson: You don't realize what a miracle you have until you - realize - what a miracle you have.

And as Job (the quintessential sufferer) said, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" (Job 2:10). I'm taking what I've been given...the good with the trouble. Because I wouldn't trade my "good" for anyone else's "good" in the world. If I can be selfish enough to say that, then I certainly shouldn't hope to trade my "trouble."

And now, I'm off for my impromptu date with The Wonder Years, and a (few) glass(es) of wine.

Yours in hopefulness that magically renews itself every month,

Errant Thought Roundup 53: Guest Post!

2012-02-09T22:28:00.000-05:00

ETR #53 Courtesy of my super fantastic friend Dave. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave - photo used without his permission. Sorry, Dave.

Errant Thought Roundup - Dave Edition V2.0:

I love, I love, I hate, I hate
I like, I wish, for goodness sake...
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love how my son is not afraid to be silly. He has the best cheesy
smile. I hope he never loses that.

I love being Canadian. We may seem quirky to the rest of the world,
but I've yet to see any reason not to stand tall and be proud of my
Canadian roots, eh?

I hate two things. Those that are intolerant of other peoples
cultures, and the Dutch.

I hate hate. Seriously, who has time for it? They say a hater's
gotta hate. I hate that.

I like that my son loves Dr. Suess books. They are so much fun to read.

I wish there was another 'I love' section so I could further express
my love of Dr Suess. He is an amazing poet.

For goodness sake, please stop talking about Dr Suess!

I hope no one takes offense at the Dutch crack. My wife is Dutch, and
I love her to pieces... I am actively working on duplicating her. The
Dutch are awesome. It is a joke... really. trust me.

I hope somebody laughs at these jokes... I worked hard on them!

I pray for snow. You all may be sick of it already, but in North
Carolina we didn't get any, and I think we're due.

I pray for sanity in the elections. For those that can vote, please
cast yours on the quality of the candidates character, and the ability
to lead, and not on the best hair cut and cheesy "trust me" smile. We
need role models, not super models.

I will try. It is the best I can do. I am human, so a promise I
can't give. But I can certainly try. I promise!

I won't push my son to be a doctor, fireman, computer geek, or
anything else. My job is to expose him to the wonders of the world,
and guide him on the path best for him, not me.

And for today I will look at my wife, look at my kid, look at my dog,
and smile. These are the things happiness is made of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks, Dave :) You continue to be the bomb. You're almost as awesome as your wife.

If you think Dave's witty, you should see his blog.

30 Before 30 - FINISHED!

2012-02-07T10:19:00.000-05:00

This is my last 30 Before 30 post...I feel like I'm saying goodbye to an old friend. I started my 30 Before 30 because of an acquaintance. She has no idea that she was my inspiration, and I'll probably never tell her. I read an article about her - she had accomplished something absolutely, stunningly incredible before she turned 30, and the article called it out... "Look at this chick - she did this amazing thing and she's still in her 20's!"

I stood in front of the mirror the day that I read that article and thought to myself, "what am I going to be able to say that I did that was 'amazing' by the time I turn 30...anything?" {chirp. chirp.} That's when it occurred to me...a small personal goal like reading 30 books may not seem big to most people, but it will be huge for me. And it was.

Here's what I've learned over the past 18 months:
1. Although most of them are incredible, there are also some really crappy books on 'top 100' lists in this world.
2. I am capable of setting a goal and accomplishing it...that's a new thing for me.
3. I love to read. I had forgotten how much I loved to read.
4. I want my daughter to appreciate the written word.
5. It doesn't matter who sees you accomplish something - do it for you.

And absolutely the most important thing that I learned during this adventure was this: If I hadn't done my 30 Before 30 challenge, I would still have more to be proud of than I would have possibly been able to articulate 18 months ago. Most importantly, my family...a husband who has loved and supported me since we were teenagers, and a precious little girl who, quite frankly, is the most amazing kid on earth (sorry moms...yours can be second best, though, k?). I made it through college, lived in a foreign country, sacrificed comfort for a dream, took risks, and proved to myself that I can leave a legacy that doesn't end with being "just a hard worker" or, in fact, "just a mom." I am greater than the sum of my parts. And so are you. Putting myself into a box of "what have I accomplished" wasn't fair to me...we only get a few rides around the sun, and while I'm absolutely going to set goals and work hard to achieve them, I'll be content if the only thing else I ever accomplish, is living (like...the "real" living and not the "surf the web all night" kind of living).

So...with all of those fun lessons learned, here's my trophy:

30 books
12,486 pages
535 days
and I came in 5+ months ahead of my deadline.

I'm really proud of myself...I don't care if no one else in the world is...it means something to me to have finished this.

I'm going to keep my "I'm Reading..." sidebar widget...because I'm going to keep reading. If you'd like to keep up with the book-of-the-moment, it'll be there! :)

30 Before 30 - War and Peace

2012-02-06T23:42:00.005-05:00

30 down, 0 to go. :)

War and Peace. I really have no idea where to start talking about this book. No idea.

I'll start here:

War and Peace is worth the read. It was so painful to get through the first 400 pages. If you asked me if I liked it, I told you, "OMG THIS IS THE WORST BOOK EVARRRRRRRRR." Buutttttt...I've changed my mind.

I can't do a spoiler for you - there's just no way...the story is too long. It's a historical fiction - and a brilliant one. There is a fictional plot completely (and intricately) woven into the factual history of Napoleon's invasion of Russia. If you know how the war ends, then there's your spoiler...it's history, right?

I literally dog-eared and pen-marked ALL of the following little tidbits just for you! Please don't look a gift horse in the mouth. For the love of all that is good in this world, try to read my top 10 "why I loved it" quotes. I know they're moderately long, but they're so good, and let's face it...you probably aren't going to get around to reading this book any time soon, but you should *at least* know something about it, right??! Also, I typed them all out and held my breath the whole time hoping you would read them...I know you will...because you love me.

Here ya go:

Why I Hated It At First:

I hated the first 400 pages for sentences like this:

"At that moment Boris saw distinctly what he had an inkling of before that is, that quite apart from that subordination and discipline, which is written down in the drill-book, and recognised in the regiment and known to him, there was in the army another and more actual subordination, that which made this rigid, purple-faced general wait respectfully while Prince Andrey - of captain's rank - found it more in accordance with his pleasure to talk to Lieutenant Drubetskoy."

That paragraph right there? It's ONE freaking sentence. One. Try to read 1100 pages worth of THAT.

BLECH. You would have hated it too.

But....Why I Love It Now:

1. Part Nine, Chapter I - the entire chapter...It's the reason I started loving this book. I'd type it all here, but you'd die of "why-is-she-putting-me-through-this?" If you don't want to read the whole book, please just read that chapter. It's so Tolstoian...you'll get a really good feel for all of his work.

2. Paragraphs like this one making fun of Napoleon Bonaparte (he had just been given a painting of his son playing a game of cup-and-ball with the earth as the ball):

"He felt that what he might say or do at that moment would be historical. And it struck him that the best line he could take at that moment, at the height of his grandeur - so great that his child was playing cup and ball with the earth - would be to display, in contrast with that grandeur, the simplest, fatherly tenderness. His eyes were veiled by emotion; he moved up, looked round for a chair (a chair seemed to spring up under him), and sat down, facing the portrait. At a single gesture from him, all withdrew on tip-toe, leaving the great man to himself and his feelings."

In other words, according to Tolstoy, everything Napoleon ever did was completely contrived - this is a common theme in the book and it's usually hilarious.

3. Tolstoy's brilliant use of sarcasm...he is SO FUNNY, but you miss it if you aren't paying attention! Here's a particularly witty one about the "greatness" of one of the marshals: "Then we have descriptions of the greatness of some of the marshals, especially of Ney - a greatness of soul that culminated in his taking a circuitous route by the forests across the Dnieper, and fleeing without his flags, his artillery and nine-tenths of his men into Orsha."

4. Tolstoy's battle with his faith: "To that question, What for? he had now always ready in his soul the simple answer: Because there is a God, that God without whom not one hair of a man's head falls."

5. Understanding of human nature: "And Pierre had won the Italian's passionate devotion simply by drawing out what was best in his soul and admiring it." We could all learn a lot from that sentence, right?

6. Appreciation of differences. Not acceptance...tolerance. "This was the recognition of the freedom of every man to think, to feel, and to look at things in his own way; the recognition of the impossibility of altering a man's conviction by words." Whew. I love it.

7. Rejoicing in ALL your circumstances and realizing that the destination is always a product of the journey:

"They say: sufferings are misfortunes," said Pierre. "But if at once, this minute, I was asked, would I remain what I was before I was taken prisoner, or go through it all again, I should say, for God's sake let me rather be a prisoner and eat horse-flesh again. We imagine that as soon as we are torn out of our habitual path all is over, but it is only the beginning of something new and good. As long as there is life, there is happiness. There is a great deal, a great deal before us. That I say to you."

8. This specific analogy about how different historians see events in different ways (please read it...it's fantastic...so applicable to how you and I view different events in life):

"A bee settling on a flower has stung a child. And the child dreads bees, and says the object of the bee is to sting people. A poet admires the bee, sipping honey from the cup of the flower, and says the object of the bee is to sip the nectar of the flower. A beekeeper, noticing that the bee gathers pollen and brings it to the hive, says that the object of the bee is to gather honey. Another beekeeper, who has studied the life of the swarm more closely, says the bee gathers honey to feed the young ones, and to rear a queen, that the object of the bee is the perpetuation of its race. The botanist observes that the bee flying with the pollen fertilises the pistil, and in this he sees the object of the bee. Another, watching the hybridisation of plants, sees that the bee contributes to that end also, and he may say that the bee's object is that. But the final aim of the bee is not exhausted by one or another, or a third aim, which the human intellect is capable of discovering. The higher the human intellect rises in the discovery of such aims, the more obvious it becomes that the final aim is beyond its reach. All that is within the reach of man is the observation of the analogy of the life of the bee with other manifestations of life. And the same is true with the final aims of historical persons and nations."

9. Tolstoy's analysis of what life is really all about: "He could not live because all men's instincts, all their impulses in life, are only efforts to increase their freedom. Wealth and poverty, health and disease, culture and ignorance, labour and leisure, repletion and hunger, virtue and vice, are all only terms for greater or less degrees of freedom."
10. Why human consciousness can't be "proven" but somehow still exists...priceless:

"There is no soul and no free will, because the life of man is expressed in muscular movements, and muscular movements are conditioned by nervous activity. There is no soul and no free will because at some unknown period of time we came from apes, they say, and write, and print. Not at all suspecting that thousands of years ago all religions and all thinkers have admitted - have never, in fact, denied - that the same law of necessity, which they are now so strenuously trying to prove by physiology and comparative zoology. They do not see that natural science can do no more in this question than serve to illumine one side of it. The fact that, from the point of view of observation, the reason and the will are but secretions of the brain, and that man, following the general law of development, may have developed from lower animals at some unknown period of time, only illustrates in a new aspect the truth, recognised thousands of years ago by all religious and philosophic theories, that man is subject to the laws of necessity. It does not advance one hair's-breadth the solution of the question, which has another opposite side, founded on the consciousness of freedom. If men have descended from apes at an unknown period of time, that is as comprehensible as that they were fabricated out of a clod of earth at a known period of time (in the one case the date is the unknown quantity, in the other the method of fabrication); and the question how to reconcile man's consciousness of free will with the law of necessity to which he is subject cannot be solved by physiology and zoology, seeing that in the frog, the rabbit, and the monkey we can observe only muscular and nervous activity, while in man we find muscular and nervous activity plus consciousness. The scientific men and their disciples who suppose that they are solving this question are like plasterers set to plaster one side of a church wall, who, in the absence of the chief superintendent of their work, should in the excess of their zeal plaster over the windows, and the holy images, and the wood-work, and the scaffolding, and rejoice that from their plasterers' point of view everything was now smooth and even." [emphasis mine]. WOW!

Ok - I'm done...those were the most impactful pieces of the book for me. By the time I was finished reading it, I was so sad to let it go...I probably won't ever read it again, but I'll recommend it to anyone who asks.

How I Feel Today...

2012-02-06T12:34:00.001-05:00

Infertility.

30 Best Friend Memories for My Best Friend's 30th Birthday

2012-02-05T22:45:00.001-05:00

Your best friend only turns 30 once...I normally try to at least blog on time, but since I've never *really* done anything on time in my entire life, I figured I wouldn't disappoint her by doing this one thing promptly. She'll get her present sometime in July (just in time for MY birthday!). In honor of the only person in the world who could possibly "get" all 30 of these references, please enjoy:

"30 Best Friend Memories for My Best Friend's 30th Birthday"

1. Spending hours on the houses...washcloths and porcelain serving bowls: best. furniture. ever.

2. Moving from side to side with Mario...or Luigi.

3. Dipping two fries at a time...the "cool" way.

4. Sleepovers!

5. That chick...and that other dude...

6. Mokey's ugly sweater...and the Trash Heap

7. THE HAIR!

8. The "first" BFF :)

9. Rex Chapman's autograph...

10. I was so jealous you had Molly...

11. ...Didn't you like that dude on the right? What's-his-face?

12. For hours...and hours...

13. ...and hours in the back bedroom of your house.

14. Do you remember the horrendous pink dresses?

15. Pop that arm, girl ;)

16. Oh, Lawd...we were just like Flashdance...look at those amazing bangs. Amazing.

17. Step in, step out...introduce yourself! "My name is Heather, uh huh, I'm in the first grade, uh huh, I like the Tarheels, uh huh" (Go Broncos!)

18. The windows! (sweet gig)

19. I never could bring myself to pay attention to the games...the pizza scream was fun, though!

20. Matthew 5:16

21. These...for soda:

22. Senior week...for like 5 years in a row.

23. Please don't kill me for this one...

24. I don't know a single human on the face of the planet who has a picture of the late, great...

Yesterday's..."Hickory's Pleasure Dome"

but I had to include it...because we rocked "teen night" like nobody's business.

25. Bubba.

26. Shampoo.

27. Rummy on the porch...

28. Mine had tassels :)

29. Beside me...

30. Still beside me...

I love you, and I'm so thankful you were born. Thirty looks amazing on you....and this is going to be our best decade yet -- it's already off to a good start, right?

Happy Birthday to the person who knows me better than anyone else in the world (sorry about that).

All my love forever,

Kendi

Errant Thought Roundup 52: Guest Post!

2012-02-03T07:52:00.000-05:00

My sweet friend Liz was gracious enough to write tonight's awesome Errant Thought Roundup. In fact, I have such good friends, that the ETRs are lined up for the next 3 weeks - woohoo! :)

I told you it was going to be a hectic week. So hectic, in fact, that I collapsed last night before ever posting this. I'm so sorry, Liz! You are worth the wait, though, my dear - this roundup is fabulous...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is hard to believe that I have known Kendra for over a decade! We met in college in 2001 and I have been lucky to have her in my life ever since. And if you are anything like me, you must look forward to her blog entries with gleeful anticipation. So of course I jumped at the chance to help her out during this busy week and submit an Errant Thought Roundup. (I've secretly been wanting to for a long time, haha!)

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,
I like, I wish, for goodness sake...
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love Disney. I just got back from running the Tinkerbell Half-Marathon during my first trip to Disneyland and I'm still on a bit of a high. I worked at Walt Disney World in college and visited Tokyo Disneyland during my year studying abroad, so it was great to get a chance to compare them both with the original. While it felt so much smaller, there really is something special about it. I tell ya, I teared up like a baby during the fireworks, parades, and laser light water shows. I even stood in line for 30 minutes to see Rapunzel and Flynn - and I regret nothing. (No, there were no children in our group of five adults. Unless you count our mental age!) Disney is definitely my happy place and I'm glad to have a many more magical memories from this recent trip.

I love my husband. There is nothing like a trip to Disney to reaffirm how lucky I am to have him in my life. My friends have lovingly referred to me as a Park Nazi thanks to my park map marking, schedule making ways. I have always been a firm believer in opening and closing amusement parks - you have to get your money's worth! While Michael did insist I take it easier this time around due to the half-marathon midway through our trip, he was still extremely supportive of every attraction I wanted to ride and show I wanted to see. At the end of the day it always came down to just me and him and he never uttered a complaint. He even woke up at 5am the day of my race and met me on the course 4 times to cheer me on. His sense of humor and positive attitude is an inspiration to me every day and helps to keep me grounded.

I hate that some people seem to feel like it is okay to cheat the system - especially when that system includes your job, which negatively affects the co-workers around you and the company that has supported you. I certainly do not want to be a tattletale, but I do feel bitter about their actions because they are getting benefits for poor behavior while I am getting less for doing the right thing. But I am trying to accept doing the right thing as reward enough while inwardly hoping kharma evens the field eventually.

I hate that I can over analyze some things to the point of souring mostly wonderful events due to minor hiccups. It is a major issue that I believe I am finally taking responsibility for and working actively to overcome.

I like wine. I gave up drinking for the last month before the half-marathon in order to aid hydration and training. It definitely helped, but there was nothing quite as sweet as that first glass of wine at dinner after the race. Having anything in moderation really makes you to appreciate it all the more when you get to have it again. I've been doing that a lot with sweets and alcohol and I highly recommend it.

I wish I would be happier with everything I have and stop wishing for more. I am so lucky to have everything I do have and I honestly need for nothing. But if I do decide that I want something else, I wish for the strength to work hard for it instead of acting as if I am entitled to it.

For goodness sake people should just stop being negative. And this is coming from the Queen of Negative Nancy's on a bad day. (We often dislike in others what we dislike in ourselves, after all.) But I at least try to avoid spewing negativity willy nilly. I talk openly and candidly with those I love, trust, or think can help me overcome the issue. But I feel like there are so many folks who just complain to the wind. That does not fix anything and really makes you a drag to be around quite frankly.

I hope I am a good friend and can continually improve my friendship skill set. I feel like I have been blessed with some pretty spectacular friends and I am not sure I always make my appreciation for them as clear as I would like.

I hope I can stop being so hard on myself. Even when I manage to accomplish some great things, I tend to still worry about all of the things I have not done. Which then belittles all the work I have done and is not productive at all.

I pray Michael and I have made the right decision in waiting to start a family. I worry sometimes about our ages and complications associated with having kids a little older. Logically I know that we have time, but I'm still anxious about health concerns, my parents being able to have time with a grandchild, and our ability to be active with them as they grow up. Not to mention still debating at times whether or not to have kids at all. I'm hoping to figure out the answers along the way.

I pray that I find a rewarding career. Last year I took a risk by leaving a steady job with a good company to pursue a year-long contract position in a different field. I want this year to help me learn more about myself and exactly what I want. So far it has been an extremely interesting experience and I believe I may finally be headed in the right direction.

I will start studying my Japanese. I took it for six years, but that was six years ago. Now we are talking about possibly visiting Tokyo in the fall and I do not want to struggle unnecessarily with the language. I recently found a local learning group and I am going to contact them about classes this week.

I won't stop running. I worked very hard the last month of my half-marathon training mostly out of fear of doing badly. Now I am feeling stronger and healthier, so I want to continue improving my pace. I also want to stick with running consistently. I am already looking for my next race!

For today I am so grateful that I got a chance to contribute to Kendra's beautiful blog! Every entry is a highlight to my day and I look forward to many more posts.

Teach Your Daughters...

2012-01-30T21:37:00.002-05:00

Pretty is as pretty does...

I Spy Bottle Tutorial

2012-01-29T20:31:00.000-05:00

Sadie is "Star of the Week" at her school this week! In celebration of my little star, I'm going to go to her class on Friday and do a little project with the kids! After scouring Pinterest for hours and finding dozens of awesome kiddo projects, I finally decided on this one - easy + inexpensive + cute + entertaining...I think you'll like it!

This project was inspired by several really good "I Spy Bottle" examples on the web -- especially Counting Coconuts and Meet the Dubiens. Great projects - check them out! Since ours is going to be on a large scale (22 kids), we had to find a way to make it super inexpensive without sacrificing the "awesomeness" of the I Spy game.

You'll Need

- A jar or bottle with a screw-on lid

- random buttons and trinkets

- rice

- food coloring

- hot glue

Each "I Spy Bottle" cost us about $1 (jar + rice + buttons + other materials factored in). This has turned out to be fairly inexpensive (I think $22 is pretty good for the mileage we're going to get out of the project, don't you?). If you planned ahead (who does that?), you could get the jars donated or collect drink bottles to use instead. Here's how we did it:

Step 1: Dye the rice!

Step 2: Select the buttons you're going to use. I used wire cutters to clip the button loops off the ones that didn't lay flat so that rice wouldn't get stuck in the hole (and so that they'd be flat for the game card photos).

Step 3: Line the buttons up on a plain background and take a photo of them. The photo will serve as the game card for the game (i.e., you have to find everything on the photo to win). You can use pennies (or anything, really) as a marker to indicate the ones you've found!

We used a plain poster board and a sunshiney spot in the house to make sure we got good photos for her friends' games...here's the setup for the above photo:

For the class project, we decided to do 9 buttons per child. Sadie helped me pick out colorful ones, and we separated them out into 22 baggies of nine buttons each. Each baggie will have a corresponding "game card" photo. Sadie's game card will look like this (she picked out her own buttons, of course):

When we do the class project with all of her friends on Friday, each child will receive a jar with a lid, one bag of buttons, the corresponding game card photo and one little pre-portioned zipper baggie of colored rice.

It'll be their job to combine the ingredients!

Step 4: Add the buttons to your jar. We are going to be using baby food jars for all of her friends' I Spy Bottles. $0.64 each.

Step 5: Add rice. You can cut a corner from the bottom of your zipper bag to make a "funnel" for pouring.

And then they can pour it into their jars!

Step 6: Hot glue the lid in place so that you don't have future unexpected messes.

Step 7: Shake, shake, shake until the I Spy objects and the rice are all mixed together, and voila!

With your game card photo in hand, you'll have an easy I Spy game that will keep the munchkins entertained! I've seen these done in themes as well (animals, alphabet, colors, etc.). They would make great valentines or Sunday school projects, too!

Have fun!

Dyeing Rice for Sensory Projects

2012-01-29T15:37:00.000-05:00

I found a basic tutorial for rice dyeing on e-how, but I had to make a couple of in-a-pinch changes. Here's how we did it:

You'll Need
- large back of white rice
- food coloring (we had to improvise with the gel kind, but it worked fine...just took a little more "mixing")
- white vinegar
- large bowl with lid

The steps below will make 2.5lbs of colored rice:
Step 1: Pour 1 cup of vinegar into a large bowl
Step 2: Mix desired food coloring into vinegar - be generous if you want the color to saturate (about 10 drops of color)

Step 3: Pour in about 2.5lbs of white rice
Step 4: Shake (and shake and shake and shake) - you'll want to agitate it enough that every grain starts to look approximately the same color - shaking for about a minute should do the trick.

Step 5: Lay the rice out on a drying towel in a shallow layer so that it can dry. Most people recommend leaving it in the sunshine on a nice day - that's what we did, and it worked great! 2 hours, and our rice was dry.

Step 6: Bag it up, and use it in sensory projects for the kiddos!

Colored rice is great in place of sand because it's easier to clean up, the texture is great, the colors are fun, and it's completely non-toxic.

Enjoy!

...and on Pinterest :)

2012-01-28T21:58:00.001-05:00

It's been a busy night! Southern Disposition is now pinning on Pinterest! Click here to follow!

If you haven't already, please "like" SD on facebook!

Southern Disposition on Facebook!

2012-01-28T13:16:00.000-05:00

I finally made a Southern Disposition page - I'll try to get a few tutorials up today - in the meantime, please "like" SD on facebook for updates and posts!

Errant Thought Roundup 51

2012-01-26T22:04:00.000-05:00

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,
I like, I wish, for goodness sake...
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love that Sadie and I randomly decided to go to the movies tonight - woohoo! Girls night out! ;)
I love the feeling of hope. Some people have no idea what that feels like.
I hate how long people can hold a grudge - seriously? Stop wasting your time -- you're only hurting yourself and you only live once. Make it count, sister.
I hate the leg pop in photos (I'm sorry if you're a popper - I'm not trying to cramp your style). Ohmygoodness. It's getting to be as bad (and sadly, as popular) as the stupid duckface. People in 100 years are going to look at photos of 20 year olds with popped legs and duck faces and think, "Oh - how sad! My great grandma and all her friends had the same strange muscular disease!"
I like catching up on my friends' blogs. Sometimes it takes me 3 weeks between check-ins, but I'm always rewarded with wit from the smartest people I know.
I wish people were more motivated.
For goodness sake, if the world's gonna end this year, we should live it up, right?
I hope that someday, somewhere, people will discover that chocolate is the cure for cancer. This world would be awesome(r) if chocolate cured cancer.
I hope this 40 degree weather continues right on through March. I probably sound like a curmudgeon for not wanting any more snow. Once a year is plenty.
I pray for the miraculous. It still happens.
I pray for Damascus Road experiences in the lives of some peeps I know. Loose the chains, yo.
I will ask myself at the end of the day tomorrow, "What did I do today that moves me in the right direction?" And then I'll ask myself the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that...because after 365 times moving in the "right" direction, something good is bound to happen.
I won't be a shrinking violet. I'm nice, but I'm not a doormat. Watch me get feisty...
And for today...next week is going to be CRAZY in my world. Any takers for Errant Thought Roundup #52? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

Out of the overflow of the heart...

2012-01-25T21:46:00.000-05:00

My Little Mathematician

2012-01-24T23:13:00.000-05:00

We've been working on math. I know it's weird, but kindergartens here expect these munchkins to have a third grade education when they get to school. WHY?! I don't know, but we do reading and math games at home so that she won't be behind when she gets to the big K.

Last night, Sadie and I were practicing addition, and she finally grasped the concept of adding two numbers together to make a new number. It was like a light bulb switched on...I LOVE that moment! We used a piece of paper with a circle in it, and a stack of rhinestones. [Wait, what? You don't use rhinestones for your math problems? Beans, schmeans...we bling it up in our house.]

I would write a basic math problem:
2
+3

And she'd place rhinestones equaling the top number (2) into the circle, and then she'd place rhinestones equaling the bottom number (3) into the circle. Once she had both pieces of the problem in the circle, she would count them up, and voila! She would write the answer below the line, and the problem was solved!

This morning, I walked into the living room, and she was making up her own math problems...she DEFINITELY did 5+5=10 all by herself in the living room floor while I was still trying to pry my eyes open.

Here's 0+5 (have you ever tried to teach the concept of "zero" to a preschooler? That one took a while...)

Guess who's proud? Addition is about as far as my math expertise will take us, so I might as well pretend to be smart now while she still thinks I am.

Fabric Row

2012-01-21T21:42:00.001-05:00

Friday was the last day at work for my friend, Laura. She's moving back home to Texas! Since we are both kind of fabric junkies, we decided to sneak out of the office on Friday and go to Fabric Row to see what all the hype was about.

omgeeeeeeeeeeeeee - FABRIC! What more hype do you need? Store, after store, after store of fabric. The coolest part of the trip was that most of the stores had been there since the stone ages (well...75-100 years), so they had amazing vintage fabrics. Fabrics that had been on the shelves since my grandparents were children...whoa.

My favorite shop was Paul's. The shop had been in business for 92 years. I bet you a bolt of vintage fabric you haven't been around for 92 years.

Check out this picture of the inside of the shop:

Here are some things you need to know:

1) It smells like a library...an old one. It's fabulous.

2) The chipped 50's paint on everything makes you feel like you're in a time capsule.

3) The little man in the photo (leaning on one of the tables - left of the photo) is "Paul" - isn't he wonderful?

4) The framed wedding portrait (top of the photo) is of the original owners on their wedding day in 1919.

5) I am *definitely* going back to Paul's to buy some amazing 1940's-1960's fabric we found there. I should have taken a pic of it...it's stunning.

I'll miss Laura so much! I can think of very few people in the world who would be as awesome to take on a fabric excursion. If I ever have a "last day" in Philadelphia, I hope this is what it looks like. :)

Errant Thought Roundup 50

2012-01-19T21:42:00.003-05:00

WHOA - Fifty ETRs! I feel like I should celebrate this milestone with some Oreos and milk!

Done.

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,
I like, I wish, for goodness sake,
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love this sweet little thing:

I love Back to the Future. I know that makes me a geek, but it's seriously my favorite movie (the whole trilogy!) of all time.
I hate getting the cold shoulder. So silly.
I hate that after 18 cumulative years of dance, I can still manage to do this to myself while ~~walking~~ running to the train:

Ugh. It was like the gravel came toward me (and not the other way around). If you fall while in the middle of a dead run, for a split second you get the sensation that you're flying. But that all ends once you slide down the tracks like you're trying to steal home. Thankful that: 1) I was wearing jeans. 2) My jeans weren't ripped. 3) Only my legs and hands were hurt. Everything else - unscathed. 4) The conductor held the train for me...who WOULDN'T feel sorry for a grown-arse woman falling flat on her face beside the tracks.
I like it when my husband cooks. One less thing to think about in a day - he's the best.
I wish you could hear Sadie sound out words. I LOVE IT...even though sometimes she sounds like Coach Z, it's so fun to hear her read. Coach Z? Educate yourself:

Allow me to apologize in advance for the four minutes and one second of your life you will waste if you watch that video.

For goodness sake, I'm so thankful that I didn't have facebook when I was being an idiot in college. (How many times can I say that?!) It's bad enough that I have it when I'm an idiot as an adult. Train wrecks. Every day. Right there on the book of faces. I have friends who would have been perfectly mature enough to handle a facebook account while in college. I wasn't one of them.

I hope I can learn to be less selfish...I've been becoming aware of my selfishness lately.

I hope I go to bed before 10pm tonight - hasn't happened in a while. I'm exhausted.

I pray for calm.

I pray that I don't wish my life away while I'm hoping for things to move quickly.

I will finish War and Peace within the next two weeks - so exciting!

I won't burn the bridge. Even if I want to.

And for today...I have faith.

Texts From This Morning

2012-01-18T21:43:00.003-05:00

[Text conversation while I was on the 7:45 train to the city]

Eric: Do you know where her new clothes are?
Eric: Otherwise, it's ragamuffin highwater time
Me: Laundry Room
Eric: Thank you, doob.
{a few minutes later}
Eric: What shoes?
img.jpg:

Eric: I'm thinking purple shoes.
Me: Hehe - silver will be fine :)
Eric: You know I can still screw this up.
Eric: I love you.

I can totally picture the two of them posing that shot so that they'd make sure I got the full gist of the outfit...I love my family.

Third Year Party

2012-01-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

Last night, Eric and I went to downtown Philadelphia for a party for the third year optometry students at his school because they are officially done seeing each other until they GRADUATE next May (WHAT?!?!). I found out in the middle of last week that the shindig was "formal" and had a mini freak-out (I have major ones all the time, so I am justified in classifying this one as "mini") because I had no idea what grown-ups wear to formal events. Alas, I have several extremely intelligent friends in whose capable feedback I put my faith.

After Sadie and I went shopping ALL DAY on Saturday, the freak-out was over. (Whew!) You haven't lived until you've had a four year old as your shopping buddy for an entire day of department store-hopping. In between breaks for ice cream and French fries, I had a very tiny helper for all of my zip-ups and zip-downs, color selections, and honest reactions. It was fabulous. I will loan her out to you for a small fee.

The ever-fabulous Denise Sadie-sat for us while we went out on the town. So thankful for her!

We had an awesome time! Here are a few photos from the event (some of which I stole, shamelessly, from other people's facebook posts):

Keith, Meg, Eric, and me - LOVE these guys...

Me and Meg :)

The fellas: Andy, Phil, Chris, Eric, Keith, and Marc

Keith and Eric

Dinner! Carolyn, me, Eric, Chris, Heather, and Phil

Keith took this one with his cell phone...that fedora made it's way around the entire dance floor.

Marc and Eric

End-of-the-night photo, courtesy of Marc:

Cupcakes and Candy Canes Feature

2012-01-16T16:00:00.000-05:00

Big thanks to Allyson for the feature yesterday at Cupcakes and Candy Canes! If you haven't already, please check out her series: Sweet Southern Sundays, and follow along!

Errant Thought Roundup 49

2012-01-14T23:11:00.000-05:00

I am a day late posting this, but you're just going to have to be ok with that. If I make the rules, I can break them, right? To make up for my tardiness, I made this:

I just got tired of my ETR snippets not having a picture. Serendipitously, this post has plenty of photos...and even a video!

Let's roll, kids.

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,
I like, I wish, for goodness sake,
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray
I will, I won't, and for today...

I love(d) watching Sadie put her tutu on over her scrubs and dance around the living room tonight. She can't stand still (no clue where she gets that). I'll let you have a peek too...

I love three day weekends. More proof that Jesus loves me.
I hate it when forget my camera...life only happens once!
I hate watching sports on television. I think I'm the only one in the world. I love them in person...I'll be the home team's biggest fan from the stands, but I HATE them on television...nap time, anyone?
I like staying up late and sleeping in...I just never get to do the sleeping in part :)
I wish Sadie and Madison lived closer together...they have so much fun with each other -- check out the tutus. We didn't plan that...the girls both picked out their own ensembles before we met up!

I tried to upload all of Sadie's pictures from her new camera, but I was too dumb to figure it out. As soon as I do, I'll post the picture she was taking of Madison above, and I'll do a little post on my budding photographer's fine work. (Thank you, Auntie Heather!)

For goodness sake...can't we all just agree to disagree? Please don't define me based on the box you put me in. I won't do it to you either.
I hope we have a good time on our date Sunday night! Eric's school is hosting a formal party for the third year optometry students...annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd it's important for me to tell you that even though I've decided to go with a cocktail length dress, I tried on my prom dresses from [murmur, murmur, cough] years ago. They are indecently tight, but they BOTH still zip to the top without cutting off my circulation or breathing. It's the most I can hope for, ladies.
I hope we get one snowfall this year...only one. Not fifteen. And not the freaking 72" we got two years ago. That would suck tremendously. (Doesn't "suck" sound just a tad more civilized when it's followed by a four syllable word?)
I pray for calm.
I pray with gratitude for my in-laws. I am so fortunate...and they don't even read my blog, so I seriously mean it.
I will take a day off from work soon when Eric and Sadie are both in school, and I will find a busy park somewhere and just sit on a bench and watch people for 8 hours. I have fantasies about sitting still for an entire day and doing nothing except imagining that I know the life stories of the people who walk by. People-watching tempers my egocentrism.
I won't be disheartened...I mean, I will, but I'll recover.
And for today, my friend Allyson over at Cupcakes & Candy Canes is doing a weekly feature called Sweet Southern Sundays - you should check it out! (And not just because SD is being featured on Sunday...hint, hint)

While you're there, join her adorable blog! :)

Powerful Reminder

2012-01-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

source

Six Cardinal Sins of Picniking

2012-01-08T20:56:00.008-05:00

Everyone has a honeymoon stage with Picnik...it's totally normal. Get crazy, use functions that most people would never even consider, and play with the free editing tools with the lust of a 17 year old. JUST DO IT - make a monster out of every photo you own. You owe it to yourself to sow these wild oats now so that you can get it out of your system. But GET IT the HECK OUT of YOUR SYSTEM.

Most people make it beyond the edit-your-pictures-til-they're-unrecognizable phase and into a more understated and tasteful era, but we all know that one chick who picnik's the ish out of every photo she takes. (I admit...sometimes this is still me. Judge...go ahead).

So, friends, I'd like to speak specifically (passive aggressively) to that one chick.

Here is the photo I'm going to use to illustrate (because we're all-the-time picniking photos of our BFF's). The world's most famous puppet BFF's:

Respectable photo, right?

Just wait - I'mma turn it into a hot mess.

Please pay attention to the six cardinal sins of Picniking:

1. Using multiple girlie fonts.

2. Random stickers hanging out in the air.

3. Superfluous letters - especially if they don't make any sense. ("Thass my best fraaaaaaand!")

4. Over-BOOSTing.

5. Vignettes and shadows errrrrywhere.

6. Four gazillion frames. Frame! Frame! Frame! Another Frame! Frame it!

Does hearing these six sins break your heart? If so, consider this your picnkervention. Someone gave me one once, and I'm just paying it forward. I'm not saying you have to give up all six of these things. I'm saying you have to give up using them all at the same time. C'mon. Drop the drop shadow tool and back away from the bff portrait. It looks beautiful just like it is 'cause you're in it.

Yours in contrast and saturation,

Midnight.

2012-01-08T00:01:00.001-05:00

Tonight,

Eric and I watched Midnight in Paris.

Then we played cards by candlelight at the dining room table

...in our pajamas.

He had red wine.

I had white wine.

And we listened to the Weezer station on Pandora and made each other laugh.

How thankful I am, yet again, that I'm not God. I would never have ended up here...and even though here is imperfect, here is perfect.

Errant Thought Roundup 48

2012-01-05T22:10:00.001-05:00

I love, I love, I hate, I hate

I like, I wish, for goodness sake...

I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray

I will, I won't, and for today...

I love warm weather. Is that a backhanded way of complaining about the cold weather we're having? Uh. Yes.

I love watching Sadie read. This milestone is so fun!

I hate back pain. And I also hate complaining about it...sorry.

I hate it when I don't act the way I wish to appear. "Be as you wish to seem," right?

I like the new blog layout. Dude...it takes a LOT of effort (and hours) to make this stuff by yourself. I should do some tutorials, but I'm exhausted from making my own! (new background, new favicon, new signature, new divider, new button). Whew.

I wish I had finished my thesis. New goal?

For goodness sake, those who gossip to you will gossip about you. Careful.

I hope I can continue fertility treatments this month (anyone know if MRI's interfere with that stuff?)

I hope I never take my husband for granted. I think I do sometimes. And then he says things like, "it's gonna be ok...we make a really good team..." and I'm reminded all over again how fortunate I am.

I pray that when I do stupid things, people will understand that I'm the most human person they know....and that they'll forgive me.

I pray that everything will work out exactly as it should this year...2012 is going to be a rocky one.

I will indulge in sweets. I just will. You only live once, and then you get a new body when you get to Heaven. Live it up, kids.

I won't ever use my good china. Why the heck did I register for that crap?

And for today...I've realized that it doesn't matter how much space you have in your home, you will fill it. I would wish for more space, but we'd just outgrow it in 2 years anyway - why bother? We'll just stay in tight quarters and keep the local Salvation Army in stock for the rest of our lives. PS - Sadie is an EXPERT at giving things away. She goes through her toys like a champ and pulls out things she knows someone else will enjoy and never complains. I'm the one who complains :)

Sadie's Doll House on Ohdeedoh!

2012-01-03T22:32:00.001-05:00

I got a happy surprise in my email this morning - Carrie at Ohdeedoh sent me a note to let me know that they would be featuring Sadie's doll house!

Sure enough, a couple of hours later, there it was...I'm so excited!

Big thanks to Ohdeedoh for a bright spot in my day - I hope other mommies with space/money concerns can make use of the idea - still Sadie's favorite toy (woohoo!)!

Mirror, Mirror...

2012-01-02T21:47:00.001-05:00

I bought this mirror tonight for $5 at the Salvation Army:

It's GORGEOUS and in like-new condition. Bonus: I saved $253 by not buying it here.

For $5, I don't mind that I have nowhere to put it (I know, I know...Frank Lloyd Wright would be disappointed).

Super Fancy Drink

2012-01-02T20:39:00.000-05:00

I sure could use a glass of ~~wine~~ super fancy drink tonight...how about you?

"Pretty Face"

2012-01-02T20:31:00.000-05:00

While I was looking for new pajama pants for myself at Target today, Sadie found a perfectly pink little number {ahem} that she thought was just gorgeous...

Sadie: Can I try it on, mommy?

Me: No, Sadie, that's for grown ups - you can't tr---- [See Sadie putting the hanger around the back of her neck]

Sadie: Can you take my picture?

Me [lol]: Sure!

Sadie: NO, WAIT! I want to do my pretty face:

I have three important questions:

1) Where did my child learn to make the "pretty face?"

2) Why are negligees at preschooler level?

3) Am I officially the worst mother ever for not only laughing about this but also taking a photo of it?

So Thug.

2012-01-02T20:19:00.001-05:00

How 'bout this bling?

Her class did "The Santa Rap" for their holiday pageant. It was amazing.

Happy New Year?

2012-01-01T18:37:00.000-05:00

You know how they say that how you ring in the new year is supposed to be an indicator of how your year will go? Well, I sure as heck hope not.

So far in 2012 I have:

- suffered tremendous pain from yanking my back out of shape

- stayed doped up for 48 hours straight on pain killers and muscle relaxers

- disappointed my daughter who just wanted to do a craft with me (but I can't move - let alone craft)

- completely blew off some good friends of ours for dinner because I slept through it and Eric forgot - SO RUDE.

Happy Freaking New Year :(

I'm going to pretend that tomorrow is new years day...I desperately need a do over.

Pintervention

2011-12-31T17:47:00.000-05:00

It's only a matter of time...

A Vision in Plaid

2011-12-30T22:24:00.001-05:00

I saw this on pinterest today labeled "Dream Room."

Oh. My. Word. REALLY?

It's a vision in plaid, isn't it? I told Eric that I'd get myself the vest and hat and he could wear the matching quilted button-down shirt. Who DOESN'T want to match their bedding?

I understand that this is the personal aesthetic of some humans (otherwise why would anyone on the planet have labeled this their "dream room?"); but this is one of the many reasons I *really* want to create a pin board called, "Stuff I think is hideous."

I'm resisting the urge to make this board because the last thing I want to do is hurt someone's feelings. If the creator found out that I hated their designs, it might crush their hopes and dreams of becoming a famous designer of ugly things...or an interior decorator for lumberjacks.

Update: I just re-read this post and realize that I've been a little harsh. I think what makes this bedding terrible isn't the design of the bedspread itself - it's just the combo of so much plaid in one place. The bedspread in and of itself would be fine (although still not my taste) and I wouldn't have batted an eye if not for the matching picnic set, vest, hat, and button down shirt. Fin.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things: Ode to Bathroom Subway Tile

2011-12-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

I was talking to someone about subway tile at work today and now I can't stop thinking about it, so you get to enjoy the product of my obsessive brain. Here is my ode to subway tile (source links embedded in images):

Blue subway tile in the shower:

White subway tile/charcoal grout:

Subway tile almost to ceiling

Perfect...

Love the half wall of tile and how it carries into the tiled shower...

Wall mounted toilet?

Tin ceiling, subway tile wall, wainscoting - and check out that beautiful floor...

Pale green...so pretty

Gray...

Wowee...this one is stunning! Love the skylight, sink, tall window, greenery...so beautiful!

Tub awesomeness overload in 3...2...

Simple.

...and my dream bathroom looks eerily close to this one with a few minor changes:

1) I want a chandelier

2) I want LOTS of natural light

Otherwise, this is pretty much the epitome of awesome in my bathroom aesthetic:

Happy Daydreaming!

Christmas 2011 - Gifts, Guilt, and Gratitude

2011-12-25T20:39:00.000-05:00

[Soapbox Alert (don't worry...I'll get to some non-soapboxy stuff too)]

EVERY Christmas from the time Sadie was born, I've looked at Eric just before bedtime on Christmas Eve and lamented that there weren't enough presents for Sadie. And every Christmas, I've managed to spread things out (guiltily) so that there appears to be more than there actually is.

This Christmas, for the first time ever, I didn't have that guilt. I actually felt guilty for the opposite: I thought Sadie was getting too much for Christmas.

Did I hear you ask why? Well, friend, even if you don't want to know why, I'm going to tell you anyway, k?

This year, I've done some soul searching as it relates to "stuff," and I've come to a few personal conclusions (please feel free to diverge from mine and come up with your own...none of us are here to judge, right?):

1) I believe that the more stuff a human has, the less likely they are to appreciate anything at all. I'm sure you know someone who complains that her soap opera got cancelled, her in-home chef is out sick, and her daily 2pm massage visits are too far of a drive from her house...you know that chick, right?

2) I have vivid recollections of reading the Little House on the Prairie books as a child and feeling sorry for Laura because she only got one doll and had to use a pig bladder for a ball. Blech. Now that I look back on that, though, I realize that she probably loved that doll WAY more than our little girls love all 5 gazillion of their dolls. If it's all you've got, you treasure it. If you have a hundred of them, they're disposable...i.e., not as awesome. Right?

3) A lot of first world citizens are complaining about how hard their lives are right now when there is real and extreme poverty in the world. There are children who don't even know what a manufactured toy looks like, and we have rotten mommies and daddies lamenting (loudly) that they're too broke to buy 3 year old little Johnny the iPhone he's been wanting. I'm exaggerating a little (I hope...am I?)

I have seen kid, after kid, after kid look at a toy and snarl because it isn't exactly what they wanted. I have also seen Christmas trees that are barely visible behind the mound o' commercialism. I'd be willing to bet that there are children out there who would be happy with a pencil eraser. If your child snarls at a toy, please send the toy to a kid who will appreciate it.

---

These revelations are all brand new for me. Like I said, every year up until this one, I've been very sad about the (what seemed to be) limited quantity of stuff Sadie was getting. Sadie didn't get any more for Christmas this year than she has every other year...in fact, I think she got less, but for some reason it just felt like so. much. stuff.

Alas, we did it...just like you probably did. I don't know if you'll consider her haul to be way to few toys (some of you will) or way too many toys (again...some of you will). Whatever your style of gifting is, I hope you don't feel guilty about it (like I do). If you are an over-giver, I hope you give and give and give until your house is so full of ~~crap~~ awesome stuff from China that you have to move into a bigger house. If you are an under-giver, I hope that you are joyful in your simplicity and don't let little Suzy feel bad because all of her friends got a Ferrari for Christmas.

[Exit Soapbox]

Now that I've said all of that, I, of course, can't deny that there's something magical about seeing your child wake up on Christmas morning and RUN to the tree to see what Santa left. We are extremely fortunate to live where we live and to have the things we have. Because of that, our little girl had an amazing Christmas. Not only did she get four separate Christmases with six grandparents (and we all know how the grandfolk do Christmas), but Santa did a *really* good job this year.

The only things on Sadie's list were:

1) An Elastigirl suit. Educate yourself. Not only is the movie The Incredibles 7 years old (which makes paraphernalia extremely hard to come by), Elastigirl suits aren't made for children. I have it on really good authority that Santa used a Violet suit (identical to Elastigirl's) and just threw away the packaging.

2) An Elastigirl doll. Completely out of production. I bet Santa went to ebay for a "previously loved" version...don't you think?

She also randomly throughout the year hinted that she wanted a guitar, a piano and some play dough...she's a pretty easy-to-get-along-with kid.

Here's her Santa haul:

Elastigirl suit, Elastigirl doll, Elastigirl boots, Play Dough, guitar, piano...AND...princess dance bag, plush Jasmine, plush Pocahontas, legwarmers, belts, three DVD's, personalized scrubs (because "Dr. Intihar" wants to be a veterinarian these days), My Little Pony, Barbie "Pet Vet", and a new tutu skirt.

At 1:00am I went to bed. At 6:15am, our little early bird was up gasping at her Christmas gifts...

The biggest Santa hit was - without a doubt - her Elastigirl stuff:

She also loved her instruments...

Mommy and daddy also gave her a few things...boring stuff like clothes and undershirts, but I'm ecstatic to announce that Sadie's very favorite gifts of all this year came from mommy and daddy...

Eric gave her her very own NCSU youth-sized hat...she had been asking him for one. They have a special wolfpack fan bond. :) Here's Elastigirl in her NC State gear:

I gave her the dollhouse that I made for her. She has played with it ALL day. WOOHOO!

She has told our family (on the phone) all day how great her Christmas was...pretty sure there's nothing cooler as a mom than being able to do fun things for your children.

I have been so blessed with a child who is appreciative of what she gets, so I guess I shouldn't over-think Christmas too much, but I can't help but wonder if she wouldn't be just as happy with a doll and a ball and her imagination. We'll never know because as long as I'm able, I'm always gonna do a little more for her than I probably should...

Merry Christmas!!

Cousins

2011-12-24T19:41:00.000-05:00

Cousins are the bomb. Here's proof:

With Bebop...

Sadie and her bff/cousin Emmie

Emmie expertly applying the pinkest makeup I've ever seen to my daughter's face

Voila!

...wow. Stunning, right?

Me with my girls - wish I could do this every day!

...notice Charlie a little jealous of all the snuggles. Don't worry...he got his fair share too.

Cousin snuggles...check out those pink lips - *muah*

Me, Sadie, and Em...

Nana and her girlies:

Love my girls, love it when they're together, and love that they love each other...if you don't have cousins, you should really work on that.

Merry Christmas!!

2011-12-16T13:59:00.000-05:00

Vacation with the fam in NC...we should be in the vicinity of a Bojangle's around supper time :) Woohoo!

Happy...er...Hanukkah!

2011-12-14T18:57:00.000-05:00

Last night, on an extremely crowded train, Sadie was singing a Hanukkah song that she had learned at school. After she was done, she looked at Eric and me and yelled, "But we don't celebrate Hanukkah because we love JESUS!"

Eric and I couldn't look at each other for the rest of the train ride without laughing. I laughed so hard I cried.

Let me explain how this happened. A week ago, we had this conversation:

Sadie: Mommy, why do my friends celebrate Hanukkah and we don't?
Me: Because Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday, not a Christian holiday. We're Christians, so we celebrate Christmas.

Sadie: What does "Christians" mean?

Me: Christian is what you call people who love Jesus

...and there you have it. My sweet little Jesus freak totally gets the shout-it-from-the-rooftops concept, apparently.

DIY Three Ring Binder Barbie Dollhouse Tutorial

2011-12-14T00:12:00.000-05:00

Sadie has been asking for a dollhouse. There are a few important reasons why a dollhouse isn't a good match for our family right now. They are as follows:

1) Dollhouses are big. Our apartment is small. New math tells us that big stuff in a small home is a bad combo.

2) Dollhouses are expensive. Oh, money tree, oh money tree, wherefore art thou, money tree? Even the "cheap" ones are over $100. A really super awesome one is $400.

3) Dollhouses are not cute. I don't mean to be rude to Barbie, but I'm just not into her house. Especially not for $150.

I thought (and thought and thought) about how I could possibly reconcile Sadie's desire for a dollhouse with my desire to combat the three evils of dollhousedom: It had to be compact, inexpensive, and cute. Welcome to the tutorial on how to make this happen on a dime!

Step 1: Purchase FOUR three-ring binders...these will be your "rooms"

Step 2: Purchase cute (small print) scrapbook paper to serve as "wallpaper"

Step 3: Trim the paper to fit your binder, and decoupage (carefully to avoid creases) onto the inside "walls"

Kitchen:

Living Room:

Bedroom (used two different papers for this one + trimmings from the bathroom for the chair railing):

Bathroom:

Step 4 (optional): Make a little cover-curtain for the three rings. I just sewed a piece of fabric with a hole at the top and the bottom (for the top and bottom rings to go through), just like you'd sew a simple curtain:

Open the rings, put the curtain on:

Ta-da! No more glaring indications that these are actually 3-ring binders :)

Step 5: Decoupage any furniture that you will not be making/buying for the house directly onto the walls (dude...not every piece of furniture needs to be mobile...even Barbie's dream house is half made up of cardboard pictures on the wall, amirite?)

Important:

1) I found all of my paste-to-the-wall images online and printed them in color onto normal printer paper - furniture, lamps, Barbie-themed artwork, etc...I got all the images online. I have no recollection of where I got them - if they are your images, please let me know so that I can appropriately source!

2) Before decoupaging them onto the walls, I decoupaged them onto cardstock paper so that you wouldn't be able to see the wall pattern through them (since copy paper is so thin). In hindsight, I could have saved this step if I had just printed onto cardstock. Live and learn, right?

Step 6 - Furniture making time!! Make everything you'll need for the house (that isn't already pasted to the walls). I made (mostly out of styrofoam, cardboard, fabric, and hot glue):

Sofa, chair, and coffee table (living room)

Bed and bedding (bedroom)

Bathtub and sink (bathroom)

Table and chairs (kitchen)

I broke down and bought a $1.99 miniature topiary at Michael's. Sorry.

Once the rooms are all finished, you'll have an adorable three ring binder Barbie house! Sadie's has a...

Kitchen:

Living Room:

Bedroom:

Bathroom:

Here are all the rooms together:

Aerial view of the house when opened (sans furniture):

The best part...the Binders are SO compact that you can remove the furniture, fold them up, and put them on a bookshelf!

So there you have it. I probably spent about $30 on the entire project, but you could EASILY do it for less than $10. Cheap notebooks, cheap paper, re-use things for the furniture pieces...easy peasy.

Let's recap:

Compact? - Check.

Inexpensive? - Check.

Cute? - Double Check.

Mission Accomplished. Christmas is gonna be awesome!

How to Make a Barbie Kitchen Table and Chairs

2011-12-13T23:45:00.000-05:00

This is a tutorial from the DIY Three Ring Binder Barbie Dollhouse post. Enjoy!

You will need:

Two wire hangers (like you get from the dry cleaners)

Fabric

Batting

Cardboard

Hot glue

Discarded round flat thing (I actually bought a $2 plant coaster from the Home Depot for this)

Candle Holder ($1.50 - Target)

Wire cutters/pliers

Fabri-tac (fabric glue)

Chairs

Step 1: Cut the wire hangers per the picture below (only the "hanger" portion should be left over in this project, and you could even use that as a seat support if you were feeling ambitious)

Step 2: Bend the wire (using wire cutters/pliers) until it is in the vague shape of a chair

You'll have to manipulate the wire a little bit until the chairs are sturdy. Just keep bending and placing on a flat surface alternately to test...it'll happen.

Step 3: Cut pieces of cardboard to the size of the seats and back (you'll need 12 pieces for 4 chairs - 3 pieces per chair).

Step 4: Cut batting to just over twice the length of the cardboard pieces - the width should be exactly equal to the cardboard. You'll need 8 pieces (two per chair)

Step 5: Wrap the batting around the cardboard and hot glue in place

Step 6: Wrap the fabric around the cardboard (per the photos) and hot glue in place. I stitched up the ends of my fabric that I knew would show. It's possible to do this without that step.

This will be the "seat" of your chair.

Step 7: Fabri-tac the seat to the wire frame (hot glue won't hold. Guess who learned this the hard way...four times?)

Step 8: Hot glue TWO cardboard pieces (one on each side of the wire frame) at the top for the "seat back." The pieces should be glued together with a little portion of the wire glued between them.

Step 9: Wrap the seat back in batting - hot glue in place

Step 10: Wrap the seat back in fabric - hot glue in place

Repeat until all the chairs are finished!

Once you're done, you should have some version of this:

Table:

Glue the round discarded item to the candle holder. I painted my "table top" so that it would go with the rest of the kitchen.

Once you're done with your kitchen set, your finished product should look like some version of this:

How to Make a Barbie Claw Foot Bathtub and Pedestal Sink

2011-12-13T23:33:00.000-05:00

This is a tutorial from the DIY Three Ring Binder Barbie Dollhouse post. Enjoy!

You will need:

An oval dish (I used one from my cabinet that I hadn't used in years)

A finger bowl (Are they still called that? - got mine at Target for $3)

Four clip on earring backs

A candle holder (Target - $1.50)

Hot glue gun

Claw Foot Bathtub

Step 1: Hot glue the clip on earring backs to the oval dish...these will make the "claw feet" for the bathtub...totally stole this idea from someone on pinterest who stole it from someone else. SOMEONE out there is really smart.

Step 2 (optional): Paint some gold trim around the tub

Pedestal Sink

Step 1: Hot glue the candle holder and the finger bowl together

Step 2 (optional): Paint gold detailing around the "sink" and "pedestal"

Your final product should be some version of this:

How to Make a Barbie Chair, Sofa, and Coffee Table

2011-12-13T23:11:00.001-05:00

This tutorial is from the DIY Three Ring Binder Barbie Dollhouse post. Enjoy!

You will need:

Styrofoam (or other trash that can be folded/cut/torn into the shape of furniture)

Fabric

Hot Glue Gun

Pillow Stuffing

Round, flat discarded item (I used the top of a tin)

Cylindrical discarded item (I used the base of a glade scented oil candle)

Sofa and Chair

Step 1: Cut/fold your discarded styrofoam (or other trash) into the desired shape

Step 2: Cut your fabric out in a shape that will fit around your furniture. I'm no upholsterer and somehow I managed to not screw this up....I didn't measure ANYTHING. I can't tell you the last time I pulled out measuring tape. For reals.

Step 4: Hot glue the fabric around your furniture. Or as Eric said to me (after I found some bare spots): "Just keep throwing fabric at it, honey...it'll be fine."

Step 5: Make pillows! Use a coordinating fabric to make little pockets

Stuff them with pillow stuffing, sew them shut (who cares about invisible seams? Not me.), and call it a day!

I ended up using some little gold beads to make bun feet...just for fun.

Coffee Table:

Glue your round object to your cylindrical object. Of course, you'll want to make sure they are sized appropriately. Dig through the trash for a couple of weeks...you'll find something.

Once finished, your furniture should look like some version of this:

How to Make a Barbie Bed and Bedding

2011-12-13T22:06:00.001-05:00

This is a tutorial from the DIY Three Ring Binder Barbie Dollhouse post. Enjoy!

You'll need:

Cardboard (for a bed platform)

A large piece of foam (for a mattress)

Batting (for the comforter)

Pillow Stuffing (for the pillows)

Fabric (for the comforter)

Step 1: Cut foam to size...I used fabric scissors...worked like a charm.

Step 2: Cut cardboard platform to size and paint it (I painted pretty much everything gold in Sadie's dollhouse)

Step 3: Sew fabric into a tiny comforter...I added some ruffle detail to mine. You'll want to make sure to sew some batting inside of it so it's fluffy like a real one!

To ruffle, sew down the middle of a strip of fabric with your LONGEST stitch. Once you get to the end, pull one of the strings (from the thread), and push the fabric down with your other hand. Make sure to do this gently so that the thread doesn't break! Once I was happy with how "ruffled" my ruffle was, I just stitched it willy nilly onto the front side of the comforter.

Step 4: Sew a "sheet" to fit onto the mattress...mine is made just like you would make a pillow case. Whatever it takes to get the ugly foam covered.

Step 5: Sew a little tube (for the double pillows)

Stuff them with pillow stuffing, close the tube, and sew a line down the middle (to make a distinction between the two pillows)

Step 6 (optional): Make a little decorative pillow to match the comforter.

All of your pieces should look like some version of this:

And the final product should look like some version of this:

The Hub Response - and Rant

2011-12-13T10:38:00.000-05:00

I wrote a nice little note to the Hub network a few days ago regarding Family Movie Night and the scary commercials they had on during a prime preschooler TV-watching time. Here's the response I got back just now:

Dear Viewer [really? I gave you my name. Please use it.]

Thank you for contacting The Hub.

We sincerely appreciate your taking the time to write us regarding The Haunting Hour [NOT what my email was about] and for bringing this matter to our attention [what matter? Can you re-state the matter so that I know you're listening?]. Please know that we will take your comments under advisement [Oh, for reals? You'll take my comments "under advisement?" i.e., you'll throw them in the trash now because you think I'll be happy that you sent me a form letter?].

Thank you for expressing your interest in our programming.

Sincerely,

Viewer Relations

The Hub

Well, Hub-folk, I have to tell you: Your viewer relations department is for the freaking birds. I don't feel "related to" at all. I feel like you took my comments, found a word or two, pulled the applicable form response, and emailed it to me. I applaud your ability to be so vague. That takes talent. And bureaucracy. And I'm still going to be watching your stupid network because you're the only place that has The Wonder Years. Curse my addiction to that stupid show. BUT my daughter won't be watching your network anymore. If she wants to see My Little Pony, I'll buy her a DVD.

Whew. I feel better now.

What To Do When Someone Touches the Elf on the Shelf

2011-12-11T22:16:00.000-05:00

It happened.

Sadie "accidentally" touched Spritz, our Elf on the Shelf. She didn't tell me about it, but I knew by some mystical mom force. He hadn't moved, but she just looked guilty. You know that face, right?

Do you know what happens when you touch your Elf on the Shelf? He loses his magic, and then he isn't able to fly to Santa in the middle of the night anymore to tell him how you're behaving. I asked her why she touched Spritz, and she said it was an accident. While I strongly doubt that it was accidental, I didn't want to ruin the entire Elf on the Shelf experience. I had to think quickly about how we were going to remedy this situation...Enter the "Magic Elf Dust" plan.

I told her that Spritz had lost all his magic and wouldn't move, but that I would email Santa to ask him if there was anything we could do to bring Spritz' magic back. Santa emailed me back right away and told me that he would send us some Magic Elf Dust in the mail and that we should check our mailbox today. (Santa somehow is able to make mail show up in our mailbox on Sundays...it's a miracle). Spritz couldn't move last night because we didn't have any elf dust, but it "came in the mail" today:

Magic Elf Dust How To (in case you don't feel like looking at the picture?):

1) Envelope

2) Tiny zippered plastic baggie (the ones that spare buttons come in)

3) white/silver/clear glitter (not too much...vacuuming is overrated)

Address the envelope to your munchkin(s). I put a red glitter nose on our Rudolph postmark. Put it in the mailbox strategically when no one is looking.

Ta da! Magic Elf Dust to the rescue!!

When Sadie and I went to check the mail, she was ecstatic that Santa had remembered to send her the dust! We went straight in the house, opened it up, and sprinkled it on Spritz so that his magic would come back:

She has SWORN that she won't ever touch Spritz again because if she does, we're packing that sucker up and sending him straight back to the North Pole.

Yours in lying-to-your-children-for-fun,

Kendra

Letter to the HUB Network

2011-12-09T19:23:00.000-05:00

I know you already know this about me, but I am a habitual over-analyzer. (You are totally shocked...I can see it on your face).

Tonight, while we were watching "Family Movie Night" on the Hub network, two of the scariest kid commercials I've ever seen came on. One was for RL Stine's "The Haunting Hour" series, and the other was for "Beetlejuice." I don't know about your preschooler, but mine can't handle snakes coming out of people's heads, children screaming in terror, and eyes bulging out of faces. Really? Must we? During family movie night? Am I being crazy?

Soooo...being the grand troublemaker that I am, I sent them a little note to let them know that I was less than pleased with their selection of commercials for their "family movie night." Here's the text of my email to their "viewer relations" department.

Our household watches the HUB network frequently. I would venture to say that 75% of our TV viewing happens on this channel. We would love to be able to continue to watch the HUB network, but during "family movie night" with our four year old, we have seen a couple of extremely scary commercials. If you have children, you know that even a few moments of fright can give them nightmares. If you don't have children, please take my word for it. The "Beetlejuice" and "The Haunting Hour" commercials are probably just fine for the age ranges for which they are intended (9-14 year olds), but absolutely not for my four year old. You guys are very good at children's programming, so I'm sure you can see the need to temper the types of commercials that may be aired during a time when families with young children will be watching television. I think horror commercials at 6pm on "Family Movie Night" may be a bit much. I realize I'm not in charge at the network, but I can be certain that I'm speaking for other parents who would love to see those types of commercials (the ones geared toward older children) come on sometime after 8pm when the little ones are no longer engrossed in the entertainment that the HUB provides.

If the HUB can't change the times during which scary commercials are aired, that is completely understandable - bottom lines are important...our family will just be changing the channel.

Their website promises a response...I'm anxious to see what it'll be. I'm sure they'll say something like, "Oh - we're sorry you feel that way...we're going to take Beetlejuice commercials all the way to the bank - enjoy watching PBS!"

My Shy Kiddo

2011-12-08T21:04:00.000-05:00

I am not a shy person. I don't have a hard time coping in large groups, and I don't have any issue with speaking to people I don't know. Some people do. My daughter is one of those people. It's such a foreign thing to me, and has, in the past, given me a parenting dilemma. I'll get to that...

I'm no child psychologist, so I really can't tell you why, but Sadie shuts down around new people...especially large groups of new people. When she's one-on-one with a friend, life is good. She can talk (loudly and articulately) on the phone with a friend or family member. She can *seem* outgoing when she's in a familiar situation. When she's in an unusual/unfamiliar/new situation, though, I inevitably end up with a four year old hiding behind my knee.

Here's my dilemma: Instinctively, I want to fuss at her. I want to threaten her into being sociable, chatting with people, and generally being charming...like she is when we're in a normal situation. I want people to know how amazing she is and how dynamic her little personality is. She's so freaking witty! I want her to show of her cute little sense of humor. I want to force her to interact. I'm not shy, so she shouldn't be shy, right? She should flit around and convince the world of what I know to be true: that she's awesome.

Until today, I thought most of it was a jealousy thing. I thought she just didn't like it when her friends had other friends (because this is the situation where I find that she is the least interactive).

But...we went to a birthday party tonight (PS - the coolest kid party I've ever been to - hands down), and I watched Sadie do several things that the other children didn't do:

1) Hide behind my knee

2) Almost cry when I asked her to go and speak to some new friends - she literally looked at me like I just asked her to walk into a fire pit...you feel sort of helpless when your kid looks at you like that.

3) Walk around in circles in the living room of the house (because she knew I didn't want her behind my knees, and she thought I would be convinced that she was interacting).

4) Shut down - become extremely quiet and unresponsive (unless I provoked her to a response)

A parent who I have only met once before (at another party with these friends) said to me, "Oh, my child remembers Sadie acting like this at the last party. Has she still not gotten over this?" After that statement, that parent told me that her child had informed her that they didn't want to go to the party after hearing that Sadie and another particular child were going to be there. Whoa. I don't know what that would do to you, but it broke my heart in half.

At that exact moment, I felt a shift in my world as a mom.

Tonight, I realized something about my daughter: She is immobilized by shyness. How could I not admit this before? I just watched her become crippled by it, and I watched her become intimidated by a situation because she was outside of her comfort zone. I felt powerless to help her...I can't imagine how she felt. What kind of pressure must it be to hear your mother (the person you trust the most in the world) say MULTIPLE times, "Listen, there are a bunch of strangers in that room. You need to leave me, go into that room, and force yourself to act against your very nature. Now."

We got into the car after the party, and the conversation went as follows:

Me: "Sadie, we need to have a chat."

Sadie: [chin down...looking up at me] "Ok, mommy."

Me: "What happened to you tonight? I thought we talked about this? I'm just curious why you weren't able to play and speak to people...can you explain what you were feeling?"

Sadie: "Mommy, there were so many kids. I was nervous."

Me: "It made you nervous that there were so many kids?"

Sadie: "Yes, it's really hard to be with so many kids."

Me: "Why do you think it's so hard?"

[long pause]

Sadie: [quietly] "I'm shy, Mommy."

{sigh} There it is. My sweet little girl. The one who puts me in hysterics, gets into trouble, loves to play, is so creative, is SO smart...that little girl...is paralyzed by shyness. And is severely disappointed in herself after a bout with it (mostly because she thinks she has disappointed me).

Before tonight, I wondered what to do about it. I've even talked to friends and family about it: "How do I break this? What should I do to get her to be more outgoing?"

Tonight, I figured out the answers to my questions: I'm going to let her be who she is. I am going to encourage her to talk to people, I'm going to try to reinforce to her that she is smart enough and capable enough and strong enough to talk to people and to be comfortable in new situations, but I am NOT going to force her to be someone she isn't. My job as her mother is to protect her while encouraging her to grow and get comfy in her skin. I'm not going to throw her to the wolves. She and I will make it through this together. Gradually...at a pace that she can handle. She may always be shy, and I will make sure she knows that's ok. If that is a part of her personality, we'll figure out a way to help her cope in tough situations while allowing her to embrace who she is. She's still mine, and she's still amazing. Shyness doesn't change that.

I am going to learn how to be a supportive mommy of a shy child. I am going to educate myself on how to respond appropriately to people who insinuate that my little girl is anti-social. I am going to figure out how to build her up and encourage her while giving her a shelter and a soft place to land when she can't handle it. I don't know how to do any of that yet, but as of about 3 hours ago, I am officially learning how to equip my daughter for success in the way that speaks to her heart...not to mine.

Christmas Cards Are Addressed!

2011-12-04T18:49:00.001-05:00

We weren't able to send cards in '09...first time ever. Hope it's the only time. This year certainly won't be a repeat of two years ago -- our Christmas cards are all addressed! I did it on the diagonal...you know...because I get bored easily.

Bring on Christmas!

Anthropologie Lucia Loop Knockoff Tutorial

2011-11-28T21:47:00.000-05:00

I wanted the Anthropologie Lucia Loop, but it's $78. Seven. Eight. Too much for a scarf, n'est-ce pas?

It's beautiful, but it's not worth $78.

Enter tutorial.

Step 1: Cut two 12"x 60" pieces of silky coordinating fabric (longer for a longer loop, shorter for a shorter loop)

Step 2: Stitch the long sides of the fabric together wrong side out.

Step 3: Flip right side out - you should have a silky tube.

Step 4: Fold the tube so that the short ends are together...you should have FOUR layers of fabric...two of one fabric (on the outside) and two of the other (on the inside):

Step 5: Make sure the existing seams are even and start sewing the TWO INSIDE layers together. Take care to keep the outside layers pushed out of the way so that you don't accidentally stitch over them.

(Notice my thumb and forefinger keeping the bottom layer out of the way of the presser foot). You will continue around the loop until you get to the two outside layers...keep sewing until you can't sew another stitch without making a mess...you'll know when that moment is...

Step 6: Eventually, there won't be any more space to sew, but you'll still have a hole. No prob. Flip your scarf so that the "invisible seams" you just sewed on the short sides are tucked in. You'll have a little hole left like this:

Step 7: Get out a needle and thread, and sew the remaining couple of inches shut.

Once you're done, you'll have your own knockoff Lucia Loop Scarf!

This was an $8 project and it took about 15 minutes to make. I'm DEFINITELY making more...with different patterns. Can't wait!

Enjoy!

Wolfpack Cinderella Story

2011-11-28T21:19:00.000-05:00

It is possible that you've never heard of NC State University. Just to enlighten you, my husband is their biggest fan. Football, Basketball, Women's Golf...you name it, he's a fan.

And my daughter -- who has never even BEEN to NC State's campus -- is probably their smallest fan. For the big game on Saturday, she pulled out a cozy for adult beverages from our "random kitchen utensils" drawer and put it on her Cinderella doll to show her support for the team...

...like so.

I don't even know how she remembered it was in there. It comes out about twice a year when she decides to dress a stuffed animal in it.

This time, though, it looked like a lucky charm. The wolfpack was down 41 to 14 against Maryland with 6 minutes left in the 3rd quarter and they came back to win 56 to 41. "The second largest comeback in ACC history!!" according to my husband who was SHOUTING about the win. If you know Eric, you know he's not a shouter. Except when it comes to NCSU athletics.

A football Cinderella story in every sense of the words.

...and they all lived happily ever after.

Men Eating Pencils

2011-11-23T18:50:00.000-05:00

Guys...this is ridiculous. I'm having far too good of a time finding stupid stock photos. I might have to start a weekly series or something.

For today, please enjoy "Men Eating Pencils." (Who knew this was such a big thing?)

"Wait, wait, guys...eating pencils is crazy. This is how you use a pencil."

Happy Women Jumping in Business Suits

2011-11-23T10:53:00.000-05:00

Have you ever seen women struggling to drink water?

Well...I was inspired to create my own montage of what-the-heck photos after seeing a stock photo of a woman jumping in a suit. I will leave you alone with your questions now:

Thank You...

2011-11-22T22:46:00.001-05:00

Countless emails, messages, comments, and even one personal visit to my office today. I have so much to be thankful for.

I am working on compiling some pretty emotional emails. I have permission from the authors...I just need to change the names, but the stories are good. They need to be shared.

Prayers, happy thoughts, and encouragement have been felt and appreciated...my cup runneth over.

Infertility

2011-11-21T22:39:00.000-05:00

I have felt compelled to write about this for a while, but today I’ve decided it’s time. I apologize in advance for the things I’m about to say that will make some of you uncomfortable…I don’t mean to. This post is mostly going to be for my personal therapy, but if it helps you at all, I would consider that a happy side effect. If it hinders you or upsets you, then please know that wasn’t my intention.

My husband and I have secondary infertility. I have been pregnant twice (that I’m aware of). Our first pregnancy was ectopic…a devastating loss…I can’t describe it. If you’ve lost a baby in the womb, you know the grief I’m referring to. If you haven’t, then I hope you never understand what I just said. On the day that baby #1 was supposed to have been born, our precious Sadie was conceived. Proof that everything happens for a reason? Probably.

Conceiving Sadie was easy – we decided we wanted a baby, and BOOM! Nine months later: baby. “We are so fertile!,” we said naively. Of course we had been pregnant twice – once completely by accident, and once within a month of trying. Obviously we were going to make babies if we so much as looked at each other sideways, right?

When Sadie was two and a half years old, we decided it was time to try again. Three to three and a half years apart would be a *great* age difference, we thought. It seemed like perfect timing. In January of 2010, I went off birth control. In February 2010, we imagined that we’d be holding a baby by Christmas. Fast forward two years and we have a beautiful 4.5 year old daughter and…no baby.

We’ve been undergoing professional infertility treatment for just over a year. Our treatment story in a (really tiny) nutshell:

3 months (February-April 2010): Sort of trying {‘cause it’ll just happen!}

6 months (May 2010-October 2010): Timing + home ovulation tests {what the…? ok…time to get serious}

Sought professional treatment following the first 9 months of failure

3 months (November 2010-January 2011): Clomid normal dose + home ovulation tests {ok – us+meds is bound to work, right?}

Referred by my OB to a fertility specialist after 3 months of failure

1 month (February 2011): Why don’t we just relax before starting a new round of Clomid?

6 months (March 2011-August 2011): Clomid 2x normal dose + monitoring + timing {Whoa. We’re at a fertility clinic taking TWO TIMES the normal dose of fertility medication. Look out, world, here comes a baby (or three)}

2 months (September 2011-October 2011): Clomid 2x normal dose + monitoring + hCG injection + IUI {I’m sorry…did you say that the Clomid isn’t working for us?}

1 month (November 2011): Follistim injections + monitoring + hCG injection + IUI: 1 month – this treatment failed due to overstimulated ovaries…we’ll try again next cycle.

If you’re unfamiliar with any of the above:

Timing = planning intercourse around ovulation

Home Ovulation Tests = kits (similar to home pregnancy tests) that indicate the day of ovulation

Clomid = oral medication to induce ovulation and increase egg production

Monitoring = multiple transvaginal ultrasounds and blood draws in a cycle

Follistim = hormones injected directly into the stomach every day at home

hCG injection = ovulation induction…injected into the booty. By my husband. Fun stuff.

IUI = intrauterine insemination – the “turkey baster” method…just not that simple.

A friend of mine calls infertility a “silent epidemic.” Women (and men) who face infertility are reluctant to tell anyone their story for a lot of reasons, but when they keep it inside, they suffer alone. It happens all the time…infertility is a lonely place.

I am confronting infertility as a woman who already has a child (secondary infertility)…my perspective will be very different from an infertile woman who doesn’t yet have children…if I’m insensitive to your plight, it’s only because I’m ignorant to it. I’m sorry…I will do my best to be sensitive.

Why is infertility so hard? Here’s the rundown:

If you are undergoing infertility treatment, your heart aches for a baby. Aches. Your heart is in shreds every month when you find out that another month of your life has passed without your dream becoming a reality.

Your sex-life is an open book. Wide. Open. Your doctor asks you questions that are incredibly invasive and personal and you’re obligated to answer them because they just might help you get what you’re after.

Your body is invaded. You are poked, prodded, inspected…every month. Multiple times per month. Transvaginal ultrasounds are no one’s idea of a good time…I’ve had 5 so far this month.

You can become bitterly jealous, angry, and resentful. I have to check myself so often. It is no one’s fault that I’m not able to get pregnant. If I’m having a hard day, it will seem like every woman I pass on the street is 8 months pregnant. I want to ask people things like, “did you even have to try?” or, “do you know what it’s like to have your soul wrecked every single month?” On a *really* hard day, I just close the door, lay my head in my hands, and cry until I’m numb.

People don’t know what to say so they come across as insensitive. Everyone is sure that they have the magic cure that will help you have a baby, but no amount of vacationing in the tropics can heal this particular medical condition. If you are battling infertility, try to have a little grace for people you think are being insensitive…and I’m sure they’ll have a little grace for you when you have your bitter moments.

Everyone says “adopt”. Adoption isn’t a cure for infertility. And it certainly doesn’t cure the emotional damage that comes with not being able to have biological children. Adoption shouldn’t be your last resort...adoption should be done because you have a true heart for adoption…whether you’re fertile or infertile. Adoption is the right answer for some people, but it's not the right answer for others. Will Eric and I ever adopt? Maybe. But we won’t make that decision based on the fact that we aren’t able to have more biological children. We’ll adopt because we have a place in our heart for a child who otherwise wouldn’t have a home.

You battle with your conscience. Is it selfish to undergo infertility treatment? Of course it is…can any of us name one single thing that we have ever done in our lives that wasn’t motivated by selfishness at its root? Even when you do nice “selfless” things for others, some small piece of your motivation comes from wanting to feel good about doing the right thing. It is possible to be both selfish and selfless at the same time.

It seems so unfair. If you know that you’re a good mother (or that you would be a good mother). If your heart yearns for a big family that you can nurture and love. If you know that you will do your best to make your children productive, empathetic, respectful, lovely little beings. If you see people around you who don’t appreciate their children. Then you start to wonder how life can be so unfair to you. You’re a good person, right?

People don’t understand. Unless and until people go through it, they don’t get it. What a catch 22. You want people to understand, but you wouldn’t wish this torment on your worst enemy…so you suffer alone so that you won’t seem whiney or depressed.

It’s an emotional roller coaster. Every month, you fly through the stages of grief just in time to come out on the other side and be hopeful again…even optimistic. And every month, your hope is thrashed. You realize that you are – yet again – just as far from holding your new baby as you were last month…or last year.

It’s hard on your marriage. Eric and I have a solid marriage, and we have had moments of just-not-on-the-same-page because of infertility. It is not easy to hold each other up when you’re exhausted from holding yourself up.

You find yourself ignoring the “happy announcements” of other people. “We’re having our 5^th baby! Yay for us! We’re super fertile!” or “We weren’t even trying! In fact, I'm not even sure we had sex!” or “I know we just had a baby three weeks ago, but we’re PREGNANT again!”

{sigh}

Some days are harder than others, but during this journey…this “process,” I have learned a few important things:

1. I understand empathy. Empathy in grief, isolation, depression, loss, and everything else that comes with infertility. I find myself drawn toward loving on people who are hurting.

2. Family isn't a number. No matter how many children I have, our family started the day we said, "I do." Two of us were a family. Now three of us are a family. No matter how many children we end up having, our family has been complete and completely solid since June 12, 2004.

3. I am not alone. Every time I open up to someone, I hear a story like mine. Why are we so quiet? I am fortunate enough to have support from two women who have been through/are going through the same thing. We email each other every day. The three of us could never have anticipated how close we would get because of our tough circumstances. We've known each other for years, but this process has made us "friends."

4. There is hope. When things can't get any darker, you're in a good place...they can only get brighter from there.

If you are facing infertility, I pray that you will have as many children as you want and that your days of waiting for a miracle are numbered. I pray the same thing for myself. I know what it feels like to cry every time someone updates their facebook status with “Guess what!?!,” and I know what it feels like to mourn the loss of someone who never was. I know that no one really understands what you’re going through…and that you hope they never do. I know the last things you want to hear are, “Don’t worry, this is all part of God’s plan,” and “if you stop thinking about it and/or adopt, you’ll get pregnant…I have an aunt/cousin/dog groomer who did it that way!” I know how to smile and nod when someone says, “don’t you think it’s time to give Sadie a little brother or sister?” Intense desire for something coupled with the inability to fulfill that desire is life’s most painful combination. I am so thankful for what I have. I don't deserve another good thing in my life, but "deserving" and "desiring" are two different things.

I have found that I don’t want pity. I don’t want clichés, and I certainly don’t want people to completely ignore me or walk on eggshells around me because of what I’m going through. I’d much rather hear, “I’m sorry…this really sucks” than anything else anyone could possibly say.

I suppose if we didn’t have to go through bad things in life, we wouldn’t appreciate the good ones as much. No one wants to endure painful circumstances, but we all do it…that’s part of living in a broken world. And assuming we make it through, we all come out with tougher skin on the other side. In the moment, every piece of my infertility struggle has been a personal nightmare. After each moment has passed, though, I realize that part of who I am is now inseparable from this journey and that it's all going to be ok. Hellish as it is, it’s paying off with a growing intensity of love for my family…the two members of my family who are here with me, and the ones who may be to come. Infertility isn’t my story, but it’s part of my story...an important part of my story.

Thanks for listening...it feels good to tell someone.

Family Photos Round 2

2011-11-20T20:05:00.000-05:00

Family Photos

2011-11-19T22:27:00.000-05:00

How many times do I need to tell you that I have the most talented friends on the planet? At least once more, m'dear.

We went downtown today with my friends Denise and Tatiana...it was just like being followed by the paparazzi. You know...if "being followed by the paparazzi" means "hanging out with two really good friends who happen to be talented photographers."

The photos turned out amazing...HUGE thanks to those two ladies for being awesome. I have the luxury of being able to give a preview tonight because I already have Tatiana's pics...Denise's are on the way - can't wait!!!

Holy Saviour Club...and Bocce!

2011-11-14T21:50:00.001-05:00

Does anyone else find a lack of resonance with: "Let's go clubbin' at Holy Saviour!"? Anyone?

Not sure what goes on there, but I'm pretty sure the Holy Savior doesn't have any particular aversion to bocce. So...carry on, folks.

Be Thankful.

2011-11-11T22:37:00.001-05:00

...all year long.

Printable version

Errant Thought Roundup 47

2011-11-10T21:41:00.000-05:00

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,

I like, I wish, for goodness sake,

I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,

I will, I won't, and for today...

I love my daughter. Everything about her...even the slimy and noisy parts.

I love encouraging words from others. "Words of Affirmation" are my primary love language, ya know.

I hate laziness. Why is initiative SO stinking hard to come by? Get motivated and be stellar.

I hate (even more than laziness) having to pick up the slack because of lazy people. Just because you don't get it done efficiently doesn't mean I should have to.

I like the dress I just bought...a lot. Here's a pic of it I found online:

I wish I had viable options.

For goodness sake, always do a better job than is expected of you.

I hope attitude adjustments come easily for me. Learning to tweak your attitude through tribulations is Cuh-rappy.

I hope Sadie can have her own swing set one day. She asked for one after I told her that her cousins were getting one. Although it kills me that she can't have one yet (since we have no yard), the local park will work perfectly until the time comes.

I pray for the ability to remain silent when silence is called for.

I pray for the ability to focus on the eternal rather than the temporary. Some stuff doesn't matter as much as I make it matter.

I will work VERY hard to find a way to do what I love.

I won't eat a Lean Cuisine frozen lunch tomorrow. Free lunch day - woohoo!

And for today...I'm just excited about the weekend. I feel like I crawl through every week like I'm trying to fight some sort of magnetic force pulling me backward toward the previous Monday only to fall prostrate and thankful before the feet of the most merciful day of the week: Saturday. I'm exhausted from defying the magnetic force all week, but Saturday is a soft place to land and a sigh of relief.

Disney Princess Video Rewind...

2011-11-05T19:29:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I wondered how a few of my favorite Disney princess movies would look in reverse, so I wrote a few "fairy tale rewinds" to satisfy my curiosity. I'm encapsulating them on the blog forever as proof that sometimes I get so bored I create work for myself.

Sleeping Beauty

A princess leaves her parents to go and lay down in a bed, a prince kisses her which takes all of the color out of her and sends her immediately into a deep sleep, she wakes up to find herself pricking her finger, and becomes less and less depressed upon moving into a cottage in the woods with three fairies. She gives back her only fancy dress, and goes out in the woods to return some berries to their bushes. She sees the prince who kissed her, dances with him in the middle of the woods, leaves him for a dancing owl, reattaches a bunch of berries back to the bushes they came from, and goes back to the fairy cottage where she lives out the rest of her days becoming a child.

Beauty and the Beast

A handsome prince becomes a hair-covered beast and brings a villain back to life. Belle leaves him and runs away to lock herself up in an insane asylum. The villain lets her out of the asylum, sends her home, and she runs back to the beast where he becomes increasingly unkind to her over a series of weeks. He eventually locks her into a tower whereupon she selfishly decides that her father should switch places with her. After she has successfully traded places with her father, she runs away to her home. Her father eventually escapes and joins her, and they live happily ever after with the entire town thinking they're crazy.

Snow White

After being kissed by a handsome prince, Snow White enshrines herself in a glass case and falls asleep. Seven small men keep an eternal vigil at her side until one day they change their mind about the eternal vigil, take her out of the case, and dump her in the floor in their house. After leaving her on the floor, they go away to return a bunch of gemstones to a mine. Snow White stands up, spits out a piece of apple and gives the fruit to a haggard old woman. The old woman smiles viciously and walks away. Snow White proceeds to shake dust all over the house, dirty all of the dishes, and generally make the lives of the dwarfs miserable. They leave her asleep across all seven of their beds, peek at her curiously, become frightened, and then leave the house again. Snow White wakes up, runs out of the house frantically toward a man who is threatening to kill her. He changes his mind, puts away his knife, and they walk happily together back toward her castle leaving the seven dwarfs far behind.

Cinderella

Cinderella leaves prince charming to go and live with an evil stepmother and two evil stepsisters. She locks herself in her bedroom and cries until she starts brushing her hair. She waltzes out of the bedroom to go and do the chores of her wicked family. She goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find herself in rags sitting on a pumpkin (rough night?). The pumpkin magically turns into a carriage, and they ride off to the castle just in time for Cinderella to find a shoe and spend an evening dancing with the prince. She leaves the castle after the dancing is over and rides back home to meet a fairy godmother greeting her as she arrives. The fairy godmother happily turns her into a ragamuffin, and leaves her crying and devastated in a garden. Cinderella gets up and, wearing rags, runs back into her house where her evil stepsisters proceed to mend her torn dress turning it into a beautiful gown...they even let her borrow some of their accessories. She goes to her room, takes the dress off, and lets her mouse-friends put it inside a box. While she spends the entire day dirtying the massive house, dirtying the laundry, dirtying the dishes, and generally sprinkling dust and dirt all over the place, the mice are busy carefully disassembling her gown. She finishes wrecking the house and taking breakfast away from her stepsisters and stepmothers, returns to her bedroom, makes a wish, and falls asleep.

Amazing artistic rendering of Disney Princesses in actual period costumes done by Claire Hummel.

Our Family Rules

2011-11-04T22:32:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to make one of these forever (well...for a year or so), and I just got around to doing it. Eric and I talked about these tonight, and we agree that these are 10 of the most important tenets we can establish as a family. As soon as I can print it, it's going up in our house...

Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it. ~Proverbs 22:6

1. Put the other person first. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves." (Philippians 2:3)

2. Speak with love. "The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." (Proverbs 15:4)

3. Tell the truth. "Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices." (Colossians 3:9)

4. Mind your manners. "Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:31)

5. Make the right choice. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6).

6. Be courageous. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."'(Deuteronomy 31:6)

7. Guard your heart. "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23)

8. Forgive freely. "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13)

9. Always do your best. "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." (Colossians 3:23)

10. Be thankful. "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Errant Thought Roundup 46

2011-11-03T20:55:00.000-04:00

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,

I like, I wish, for goodness sake,

I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,

I will, I won't, and for today...

I love it when my husband does chores. He is never sexier than when he's making dinner or washing dishes. Seriously.

I love stumbleupon.com

I hate (hate, hate, hate, hate, hate) bringing work home. I'd much rather get it done there and be "home" when I'm home.

I hate missing my train.

I like that I don't know the first thing about pop culture. I pretty much can't tell you the name of a single rapper, and the only thing I know about Kim Kardashian is that she just got married. And just got divorced. I don't even know if I spelled her name right. Actors? Actresses? I don't have a clue. Why do I like that I don't know these people? Because I don't have enough time for the drama in my own life - much less the lives of people who are idolized for no reason.

I wish I could work faster. And I'm an efficiency machine, so that's really saying something.

For goodness sake, if you're trying to convince someone of your side of the argument, calling them stupid (or insinuating that they're stupid) is NOT a good way to start.

I hope I don't hurt my friends' feelings. I'm pretty conscious of it, but I know I've done it before without realizing it. It kills me.

I hope that people don't forget Thanksgiving. It is my VERY favorite holiday of the year, and people rush through it like it isn't important at all. Give thanks for what you have before you start making out your Christmas list, please.

I pray that my daughter grows up to be a godly woman and a voice for the voiceless despite my shortcomings as a mom.

I pray for my husband...praying wives are powerful chicks.

I will get paid tomorrow. HALLELUJAH! It feels like I haven't been paid in 75 years.

I won't ever get rid of the bags under my eyes. Bummer...I used to look well-rested and fresh.

And for today...why do I find it so difficult to take a leap of faith?

30 Before 30 - The Hobbit

2011-11-02T22:12:00.000-04:00

29 down, 1 to go!

Dear All-of-the-goals-I-never-even-came-close-to-accomplishing,

How d'ya like these apples?

Sincerely,

Kendra

The Hobbit is an AMAZING book. Do you really need me to tell you that? It's friggin' J.R.R. Tolkien. It's bound to be good, right?

Spoiler: The story is about Bilbo Baggins - remember him? He goes on an adventure with a bunch of dwarves to slay a dragon and reclaim a treasure. I adored it...I'm such a geek. I can't wait to read the The Lord of the Rings now :) Movie, Schmoovie - time to read, friends.

Next (and FINAL) 30 Before 30 book: War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

I have officially put this sucker off for as long as I can. It's making the trek on the train with me tomorrow - ready to get started (and get finished).

Bandeau Veil and Flower Fascinator

2011-11-02T21:45:00.000-04:00

I realize that it's rare for me to post a project without an associated tutorial, but this was practice.

This is my first ever bandeau birdcage veil and my second ever fascinator. I'm so excited with how it turned out! Now if I could just find a bride who needed it...

I would have modeled it, but I'm lookin' a little rough tonight, so this pic will have to do.

I made my first fascinator and a traditional veil for a friend of mine. Pics and a tutorial forthcoming (after the bride's big day!!).

Faux Cleaning: The Illusion of Clean in a Snap

2011-11-01T09:14:00.000-04:00

If your house somehow blew up over the last 24 hours, then you'll probably find this handy. My house blows up every 24 hours, and every 24 hours I have to rein it back in.

source

Baseboards are important, but let's be honest: Sometimes the most important thing a busy family can do is trick people into thinking their house is clean. ("Whoa, wait...Kendra, are you suggesting that I LIE??!" Uh...I wouldn't exactly call it "lying"...I'd call it, "improving the truth.")

Before we get started, you need my credentials. I don't want you to trust me without proof that I know what I'm talking about, so here it goes: I am an expert whirlwind cleaner. When I was growing up, we would arrive home at night and immediately become surrounded by backpacks, shoes, coats, the glasses we were drinking out of, loose mail, and various and sundry pieces of crap that magically appear in a house where people are SO FREAKING BUSY they don't have time to breathe. Inevitably, that's when the phone would ring, and it would be an obscure friend who planned to be at our house within 15 minutes. EEK! Those phone calls were like a battle cry...but we were the quick-clean champions of the universe. I have honed those skills as an adult - not because we have friends just "dropping by," but because I have a very hard time functioning in a messy house. I can't do anything if the house is a wreck. Once I trick myself into thinking the house is clean, I can move forward with more important things...like blogging! :)

I've got "faux cleaning" down to an art, kids. Here are the basics...

If you have 5 minutes:

Put everything that doesn't belong (papers, toys, clothes, shoes, bags, and other miscellanea) into ONE laundry basket, and shove that sucker into a room. Shut the door. Sort later.
Fluff the pillows in the living room
Shut every bedroom and closet door
Swipe the toilet and the bathroom counter

If you have 10 minutes:

Take every miscellaneous thing to the room in which it belongs (don't worry about putting it away...just get it in there. This will make your life easier when it's time to clean for real). If it belongs in a common room (like the kitchen or living room), put it temporarily behind a door -- like a bedroom. Shut the door. Sort later.
Fluff the pillows in the living room
Shut every bedroom and closet door
Swipe the toilet and the bathroom counter
Put all your dirty dishes into the dishwasher (or at least the sink if there's no room)
Swipe the kitchen counters

If you have 15 minutes:

Do all the 10 minute tasks
Stack miscellaneous paper and put it in to a bin specifically purchased for miscellaneous paper. (If you don't have one of these, please go get one. Having a place to put school papers and junk mail will rock your world) You can go through and sort later...right now you just need to get it off the kitchen table, amirite?
Wipe surfaces in the living room
Vacuum - for heaven's sake, don't get ambitious - just hit the high spots.

If you have 20 minutes:

Do all of the 15 minute tasks
Put a laundry basket in each bedroom and fill it with any clothes that happen to be strewn around the room. It's not ideal, but it works in a pinch, and your floors will look awesome. Those clothes can be put away when you have a little more time.
Light a scented candle

If you have 30 minutes:

Do all of the 20 minute tasks
Sweep and mop the kitchen and bathrooms
Wipe out your kitchen sink
Empty bathroom trash

source

If you have more than 30 minutes, stop taking shortcuts and clean your darn house.

Worst case scenario, visitors will realize that you (gasp!) actually live in your house. People who love you don't mind seeing your shoes by the door and your dishes on the kitchen counter. People who don't love you...well...their opinion shouldn't matter anyway.

Now, go forth and fake perfection like a champ.

Sometimes...

2011-10-31T20:55:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a mom.

Someone held a mirror up to my parenting style recently, and I was aghast. Like - seriously blown away. I like to pretend that I'm super-savvy mom with everything figured out, but after a glimpse at where I had apparently failed, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. And like a complete failure.

I have done some serious retrospection and introspection since that moment, and I've come to a conclusion: I'm not perfect. I mean...I already knew that, but while I was busy beating myself up (like...Rocky style), it re-occurred to me that I am a big blob of not-good-enough. I'm going to mess up (a lot), Sometimes Sadie's dinner is less-than-balanced (pizza anyone?), sometimes I laugh when she pouts, sometimes I get impatient, sometimes I get judgmental and forget that I need to pull the plank out of my own eye before worrying with the splinters in the eyes of others.

But in spite of my shortcomings... My child knows that she's loved. She has food. She has shelter. She has kisses and hugs. She has bedtime stories EVERY night. She has snuggles EVERY morning. She has a routine. She knows what it means to serve others. She knows how to pray. She genuinely cares about her friends and her family. She says "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am," and "yes sir" and "no sir," and "please" and "thank you," and a myriad of other niceties. She doesn't whine. She doesn't beg for "things." She has seriously thoughtful conversations (you know...for a four year old). She is being entrenched in the values of our family. Someone had to instill that stuff in her, right? Right?!

So, in honor of every mother who has ever felt like the "worst mother in the world," here's a little note of encouragement: When you look in the mirror and don't like what you see (especially when someone else has put that mirror in front of you), remember that there is a little person who thinks the sun rises and sets in your eyes. "We are more than conquerors through him who loved us" (Rom 8:37). You have every tool in the tool kit to be the best possible mother for your child - you were hand selected for your kiddo(s) because you were the *perfect* mother for them. Don't be discouraged...take heart. Remember the things you've done correctly. Parenting is mostly guesswork. If you guess right 51% of the time, you're ahead of the curve. Pat yourself on the back for the good times, and plow through the bad ones. All of the scouring that your spirit goes through during those times will make it GLEAM when you come out on the other side.

I'm cheering for you...and for me.

Draw a Stick Man

2011-10-30T22:18:00.000-04:00

You've gotta try this. Sadie and I entertained ourselves twice with drawastickman.com.

Here was our "Daddy" stickman:

He just fought a dragon.

You can make your own fighting stick dude here.

Trunk-or-Treat

2011-10-30T21:28:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you a sad little Halloween story:
On October 31, 2010, our family went Trick-or-Treating in the neighborhood near our apartments. Most people's porch lights were off, and/or they didn't answer the door when we knocked. We did manage to get candy at TWO houses though (amazing, right?). At the second house, we were greeted by a sweet elderly gentleman who was excited to see Sadie all dressed up and brought out a candy dish for her. His (not-so-sweet) wife then came to the door and asked us, "where are you all from?" to which we replied, "Oh, we live over there - across the road." She then sneered, "in those apartments?" We confirmed that we are, in fact, apartment dwellers. She then said, (get ready for it): "Don't THEY do something for you over there?"

{crickets}

Since when is it ok to be a snob on Halloween? I was devastated at a crappy Halloween experience (even though I thoroughly despise the holiday, I'm trying to give my child a normal Halloween experience so that she doesn't enter some sort of druidic rebellion as a teenager). We got candy at two houses, and were shunned at one of them.

Fast forward to 2011 (and a happier little Halloween story):

Refusing to allow Halloween to get the best of us this year, I contacted our township to see if they would allow me to host a "Trunk-or-Treat." "Trunk-or-huh?" was the general response I received. Apparently, Trunk-or-Treat is a southern thing. Who knew? Since I'm southern (did you know that?) I decided it was time to build a case for Trunk-or-Treating in the lovely Northeast. In case you're still confused, Trunk-or-Treat is an event held in a parking lot where people pull their cars into the lot with their trunks facing the aisle-way or walkway. You open your trunk, decorate it (sometimes awesomely), and divvy out candy from the trunk (instead of from your house). Kids go trunk to trunk instead of house to house. Sound weird? Here's why it's awesome:

Guaranteed Candy
No "blackouts" (everyone who is there wants to participate, so you don't have to worry about someone's porch light being off)
Safe, controlled environment
Kids get to see all of their friends in costumes
There is a contained period of time during which the event takes place (so when it's over, it's over)
Much shorter walking distance for much greater treat return.

How can you not be an advocate for this?

So the township was on board and decided that Trunk-or-Treat would work for them, but after I finished filling out the paperwork, I wondered if our church was doing anything. Long story short(ish), they weren't, so we decided to do it there instead. Because as much as I love my township, I love my church a bazillion times more. (Sorry, townsfolk!)

In true church fashion, they did it up with hot dogs, music, and a (loose) contingency plan. Even the snow couldn't keep us down (for more than 24 hours anyway).

I got zero pictures of the trunks, but here is a photo of most of the people who dressed up:

People got SERIOUS about their trunks. They were amazing! We had a "ladybug" VW Beetle - way cool. There was also an awesome Candyland themed trunk, a Pirate Ship, a Bob the Builder trunk, a "Camping" trunk, a jungle trunk, and lots of others. I was super impressed. The gauntlet has been thrown for 2012.

If any trunk photos get posted and/or emailed around, I'll update this post because I feel like a dork for not having any on here.

I *did* get pictures of my two favorite girls inside of OUR "80's cartoons" trunk:

They were so silly - they just wanted to hang out in the trunk!

Trunk-or-Treat is the way to go, dude. We had a blast!

Sadie and Madison

2011-10-29T21:29:00.001-04:00

Sadie got to spend some time with her BFF Madison last night, and I FORGOT MY CAMERA! I got a couple of shots with my phone, so I'll put them on here...sorry for the crappy quality!

You know what "giddy" means, right? I hate to break it to you, but you've never seen "giddy" until you've seen Sadie and Madison in a room together.

Here they are petting a bunny at Madison's preschool:

I'm not sure how to explain the outfits...I mean, other than "awesome."

Here are some pics of Sadie and Madison over the last 2 years:

I have a feeling these girls are going to be best buds for a long time. Please remind me not to forget my camera next time.

Errant Thought Roundup 45

2011-10-27T20:59:00.001-04:00

I love, I love, I hate, I hate,

I like, I wish, for goodness sake...

I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray,

I will, I won't, and for today...

I love watching movies with Eric on "school nights."

I love seeing my baby girl at the end of a long day (or any time, really).

I hate how impatient I get with God.

I hate washing my hair. And shaving my legs. Hygiene is such a time eater...

I like girls' night out.

I wish I understood sometimes. And sometimes I'm glad I don't.

For goodness sake...never say never...you'll be proven wrong more often than not.

I hope I make the right decision.

I hope my husband doesn't mind that I tell him the same stories over and over. I've lost my mind.

I pray that I never get what I deserve. So should you - that would be AWFUL.

I pray for a sweet friend...she may be coming out on the other side of an uphill struggle. Woohoo!

I will try to leave work at work this weekend.

I won't enjoy snow this weekend. Really? In October?

And for today...you haven't lived until you've let your husband give you an injection.

Airbrushing at its Finest

2011-10-23T18:51:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, a Groupon showed up in my inbox. A Groupon for a huge percentage off of a pinup shoot. I've thought in the past that cheesecake photography could be fun, so when the opportunity arose, I snatched up the Groupon almost without thinking.

Alas, since I had already paid for it, I was obligated to use the coupon. I made the appointment - awkwardly. I went to the studio and picked out clothes - awkwardly. Then I had my hair fixed - awkwardly. Then I had my faux eyelashes expertly applied...but it felt totally awkward. Then I put on cheesecake clothing - awkwardly (and with lots of assistance from the only person in a 600 mile radius that I would trust to snap me into these things). And then I trapped myself in a room with a woman I didn't know who was telling me to "show some teeth" and "stick [my] chin out" and "relax [my] forehead."

And before I knew it, I had experienced the most awkward thing I've ever done. I felt old and weird. Today, I got the results in my inbox. I would just like to say that this photographer is a photo editing software MAGICIAN. All of the photos I took are PG-rated (or PG-13 at the very most...but that might be pushing it). Despite that, I've cropped up some of my favorites to make them G-rated so that you can see that with a little help from airbrushing and good lighting, you too can look absolutely nothing like yourself for two hours:

Feeling old and weird and awkward? You should totally do this...

Voice of experience: The upside down shots are the most flattering (which is why 99% of mine are upside down). Go for it, girlfriend.

30 Before 30 - Animal Farm

2011-10-21T21:09:00.000-04:00

28 down, 2 to go. T. W. O. Y'all...I'm 'bout to do this.

Apologies that this stack looks tilted...I think I took the picture crooked. Oops.

I'm pretty proud of that crooked stack, ya know...

Animal Farm was actually a lot easier to stomach than 1984 (both by Orwell). I don't know if you'll recall, but 1984 made me want to nosedive into the Grand Canyon. Orwell really liked to talk politics, apparently. The book was about a bunch of barnyard animals who decide to overthrow their farmer in a "revolution." They succeed, and come up with some basic tenets of "Animalism" that all of the animals are supposed to adhere to. The farm is renamed "Animal Farm," and the animals set out to self regulate. The goal of the farm after the revolution is for every animal to do his fair share of the work so that they can all live with plenty of food and comfort. Perfect socialism. Egalitarian Utopia. The smartest of the animals (the pigs) become corrupt and tyrannical. The corruption of the pigs leads to persecution of the lesser animals. The pigs decide that they are above the tenets of animalism, so they do whatever they want (even though no one else is allowed to). They live in luxury (while the other animals are nearly starving), they sleep in beds, they drink alcohol, they consort with humans...basically everything they made rules against at the onset of the revolution. The entire book basically shakes down to one quote: "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." In the end, the lesser animals on the farm watch the pigs break out into an argument with some humans and they begin to realize that they can't tell the difference between the pigs and the men. Whoa.

Moral of the story? This quote from Orwell himself pretty much says it all: "...Totalitarian propaganda can control the opinion of enlightened people in democratic countries."

That is so important and so perpetually relevant that it bears repeating. So you're going to have to read it again: "...Totalitarian propaganda can control the opinion of enlightened people in democratic countries."

In other words, as long as you are surrounded by enough people saying (convincingly) that black is white and white is black, you'll start believing them. and then you'll forget that gray exists. Be careful, people.

It's a good book and a fast read. It's not too gut-wrenching (though there are some tough moments), but it will definitely rattle your perspective a little.

Next Book: The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien